Binge Thinking

England's early exit - An opportunity for parody

2010-06-30T17:28:00.012+01:00

The World Cup has been an inspiration for creative and innovative advertising – often involving massive budgets, country wide participation and glut of English heroes, celebrities and of course footballers.

With England’s exit, and the disgruntled sentiment of the nation, many of these ads will lose their punch or, as was the case of Nike’s behemothic “Write The Future,” retrospectively end up looking almost like a parody.

However where some brands are left wondering if they’ve scored an own goal, others see opportunity...

This final one isn't an actual advert, but creative team Adam + Dan's parody of the Kit Kat - "cross your fingers" campaign. I think it nicely echoes the current public sentiment.

Retro geekery & analog-digital hybrids

2010-06-17T23:01:00.010+01:00

It seems that the release of tech such as the iPad has not only encouraged software innovation (developers add 1,000 new apps per week), but also some pretty unconventional functionalities. The current trend of analog-digital synthesis is producing some marvellously innovative stuff, as well as pushing the boundaries of retro-geekery. Here are few cool bits & pieces that have surfaced up this week.

A “groundbreaking innovation in the field of obsolescence” - The USB Typewriter Dock holds an iPad in its carriage whilst simultaneously inputting typed letters. ( Read more about it here)

An iPad stand made out of an original Macintosh Classic (here)

This Moleskine Kindle Cover is an analog-digital hybrid that makes me go slightly weak at the knees. (here)

No one does football quite like Nike.

2010-05-20T23:12:00.011+01:00

Actually. No one does football adverts quite like Nike.

Spine tingling..
goose pimpling...
pulse racing...
mind blowing...
day making adverts.

In 2008 72andSunny & Guy Richie took us to the "Next Level"

In 2010 - World Cup year - Wieden+Kennedy have bettered that.
And then some.

Sublime.

Dust yourself off and try again.

2010-03-25T18:07:00.015Z

For a while now I’ve had my heart set on becoming an Adman.

Grad schemes seemed the way of getting in.

So between October and January I sent off about 6-7 applications.

I got four first round interviews.

I proceeded to three final assessment days.

At the end of those assessment days was a mock pitch.

Twice my group won the pitch and were rewarded with champagne.

Twice I was told that I came within touching distance of the job.

Feedback: “nothing to improve”.

Finally, my persistence paid off.

I was offered a job at CHI & Partners.

I am chuffed to bits.

It’s not been easy.

But as Machiavelli said “The end justifies the means”

The last six months have been some of the most challenging of my life.

Sometimes applying felt like a full time job.

Not ideal, when I was also working 40 hours a week at Ted Baker.

Which, while I enjoyed working there, wasn’t exactly stimulating.

Or inspiring.

Or particularly useful.

I mean Ted Baker don’t even advertise.

So it was hard to stay motivated.

Hard to concentrate on applying in my spare time.

However, I feel that it was more rewarding this way.

There are a few things that I picked up from my experiences.

Some negative, mostly positive.

Word to the wise: Don’t check your email 5 minutes before an interview.

I was foolish enough to do this before my JWT first round.

The email said M&C weren’t calling me back.

Needles to say I entered the interview in the worst of mindsets.

It was hard to resist letting desperation replace eagerness.

I came out of it with the lowest of expectations.

But I needn’t have worried.

JWT gave me a call back.

And I learnt a lesson about the unpredictability of subjectivity.

Don’t write something off before the interviewer’s ink has dried.

Most people wouldn’t ask for feedback from a successful interview.

When sometimes learning what you did right is as important as criticism.

I didn’t ask.

So I’m not sure what I did right that got me through that JWT interview.

However, I approached each interview with two main goals in mind.

And I think I must have nailed one of them to have got through.

The first one is pretty obvious.

Prove you have what it takes to do the role you’ve applied for.

In the case of a graduate role, show you have potential.

Prove to them that you have a fascination with advertising.

With trends.

With strategy.

With culture.

With consumers.

Know what you’re talking about.

If you don’t know what they’re talking about, admit it.

They can’t fault you for being curious.

Prove that you’re right for their industry.

The second goal is passing what I call “the train delay test.”

Prove that were you stuck on a train for three hours, they wouldn’t get bored of you.

It just reminded me to be myself and relax.

In most cases they’d relax too.

Turning the interview into a conversation.

I put these two processes to work in most of my interviews.

Apart from my first, at M&C Saatchi.

I didn’t get a call back from them, but did from all the others.

Assessment days were the most rewarding aspects of the process.

The three I attended were at JWT, CHI & Partners and Elvis.

All made me more eager to work for the respective agencies.

All were demanding, but reassuringly formulaic.

I’d recommend applying to these agencies.

JWT assessment was the most demanding by far.

Two days of talks, group work and interviews.

Culminating in a mock brief and 18 hours to come up with a pitch.

- complete with insight, strategy and creative.

Someone likened the experience to ‘The Apprentice’.

It could easily have been as daunting as that.

But the people at JWT set me at ease.

From the drinks in the bar to the lovely dinner.

(Which “wasn’t part of the interview,” but which definitely was)

From the hotel accommodation to the snacks.

As we were selling ourselves to them.

They were selling JWT to us.

I’ll admit I was sold.

Elvis also set me at ease from the start.

It was the first time they had held an assessment day.

You wouldn’t have guessed.

It was a really enjoyable day.

Followed by a chatty dinner and some screeching karaoke.

As had happened at JWT, my group won the mock pitch task again.

In both cases I got a bottle of champagne for my efforts.

In both cases I didn’t get the job.

After JWT I had named it the ‘champagne curse.’

I was prepared by the time I heard from Elvis.

It was a witty excuse to have.

But it taught me something.

Just as you shouldn’t write off a bad interview.

You shouldn’t get your hopes up either.

Chris D’Sylva, a guy who took it upon himself to mentor me.

(along with many others to whom I’m indebted)*

Taught me that along with creativity, curiosity and confidence.

The best thing for someone to have is humility.

I now know why this is such positive attribute.

If I had been headstrong these rejections might have crushed me.

I’ll admit I was disappointed.

Getting so close and missing at the final hurdle.

It was harder, when I was told there was not much I could improve.

“No criticism we can give you.”

All that effort and do you have anything to show for it?

Because the sad truth is that you don’t.

Apart from the bitter taste of champagne.

But I realised that while I hadn’t got the job, someone else had.

Probably equally as good as myself, or better.

I’d met them myself.

I knew how good they were – I’d studied them - they were my competition.

And they’d beaten me this time.

It meant that this time subjectivity had not dealt in my favour.

Humility is admitting that, especially at my age, you can’t win them all.

But getting so far meant something.

I knew I belonged in the industry.

This belief galvanised me.

I knew that, just as I’d lost out.

The roles could easily have been reversed.

If I kept at it then it would eventually go my way.

I made no secret of this when I went for my final CHI & Partners interview.

It was not a desperate plea for sympathy.

I made sure it wasn’t received that way.

While I couldn’t put “I got to two assessment days” on my CV.

I could now tell them with greater conviction that I knew I belonged in the industry.

That I knew I belonged at CHI.

And I got the job.

It’s a first step in the advertising industry.

And I’ve still to prove I’m any good.

But when I start in mid April, I’ll be grateful to be there.

More grateful than I would have been had I walked into a job on my first attempt.

Because I know how hard I worked for it.

I know the bitterness of rejection.

And I won’t take it for granted.

I hope others can take heart from this.

Everyone out there that didn’t make it first, second, third time.

That fell at the final hurdle.

Because if you got that far, you know you belong.

And if you hold on to that knowledge, it will happen.

*Can’t thank these lovely people enough.

My ad 'fairy godmother', Liz Nottingham.

My ad 'aunt', Karen Cooper.

My inspirational and frustratingly brilliant planner cousin, Dylan Viner.

My mad genius Oz mentor, Chris D’Sylva.

Neil Francis, Sara Stoneham and all the other people that have given me advice & motivation over cups of coffee.

Christian et al., at CHI & Partners for giving me a job!

JWT, Elvis and M&C for letting me get as far as I did.

Oh and also Dave Trott – indirectly.

His inspirational blogging and book ‘Creative Mischief’ kept me motivated during lunch breaks while I was working at Ted and inspired the layout of this blog post.

BOGOF!

2010-01-28T23:22:00.005Z

Photo by Weglet (CC by 2.0)

BOGOF! It may sound like a rudely dismissive phrase, but in fact it’s the most potent acronym in a supermarket’s arsenal. Buy One, Get One Free – five words that induce economic orgasm in shoppers, euphoria overpowering any semblance of rational transaction.

My mother, bless her, is particularly susceptible to such deals. We might end up with six months supply of mayonnaise or enough soya sauce to bathe in. After a particularly enthusiastic shopping trip one might be forgiven for thinking our family was stockpiling to survive a nuclear winter.

Whilst at university I had a similar problem. I wasn’t attracted to bogof deals because of the price, but because it gave me two uniform shapes to fit in my trolley. In modern times, where excessive packaging means one can no longer blindly identify an item of food just from its shape, I have developed a form of shopping trolley OCD. I stack like Tetris. While I’ve written off the conspiracy theory that supermarkets are promoting bogof deals to exploit my irrational and so far unique quirk, they are a contentious subject in today’s self reflective consumer society.

When your fridge is already full you have two options, you eat it or you chuck it. Obesity is thrown around (probably with some difficulty), but one cannot deny that it, and many chronic diseases, are self inflicted ailments that continue to thrive due to over eating.

A characteristic of post-apocalyptic films are admonishing statements about ‘the world before,’ The Book of Eli was no exception. One of Denziel’s best was “We had more than we needed. We threw away things people would kill for now.” In the context of the film it was worthy of an eye roll, but in the cold harsh light of the supermarket aisle it’s alarmingly relevant. In the UK alone perfectly good food to the value of £10 billion is dumped each year. £6 billion of which has never been used/opened and £1 billion is within date.

However you can quote as many stats, show as many sickening photos and run as many adverts and as you like, but it won’t change the fact that we’re suckers for a ‘bargain’.

So it’s nice to see Tesco are launching Buy One, Get One Free Later; allowing shoppers to postpone their free second product until a later visit. Now mother can get her bargain relatively guilt free and I might become rehabilitated from shopping trolley OCD. It’s a first step towards avoiding want in the unpredictable future.

A very social sale

2010-01-06T15:32:00.006Z

Slightly off the pace with this, but when I passed Social Suicide in Carnaby St. yesterday the sight of their innovative, interactive Dictator Discount sale spurred me into blogging action.

It’s a fantastic idea. For their winter sale Social Suicide have decided to leave their discount up to General Joe Public; letting mentions in social media and news coverage dictate the percentage in real time.

“The more you say, the less you pay. All you have to do is a little Twittering or better still blogging… or better still BBC News at 10ing, and we will bow to your command.”

They’ve come up with a weighting system to apply to each medium and have search feeds looking for mentions of “Social Suicide”, “socialsuicide.co.uk”, Dictators of Fashion”, “General J. Public”, “Dictator Discount,” etc.

It’s not the first time they have left sale percentages out of their hands. In the summer they set up a direct link with the Met Office in store to display the temperature outside and set discounts accordingly. However it wasn’t the greatest of risks, knowing the British Summer.

While I can only speculate about the success of the enterprise, I think the Dictator Discount is a brilliant example of a marriage between social media, marketing and a brand. It also occurred to me that while I had no intention of buying their clothes I was more than happy to spread the word and boost the percentage. It’s a form of altruism; something one would not normally associate with the self interest and greed induced by ‘the sales’. At the time I passed the discount had dropped to 18%, but hopefully this post, and others like it today, might present a fortunate visitor with a great deal.

Smells like Christmas

2009-12-26T13:46:00.011Z

You can't have watched TV this Christmas without noticing the bombardment of adverts for branded products suitable as gifts, and no product has been advertised more frequently than the humble fragrance. You’ll have been subjected by at least two or three each ad break. I’ve never really got the point of fragrances, most of them smell the same to me, but what really interests me is the way that they are marketed.

This is because until some nutty professor one comes up with a practical, affordable, home version of smell-o-vision we shan’t be able to smell what they’re selling. This can be troublesome because when it comes down to it fragrances only have two tangible parts, real value if you will, and that’s the scent and the bottle. Therefore they rely on marketing their perceived value through emotive means that dazzle the audience’s other senses and differentiate themselves from competitors. It seems that fragrance brands have pulled every trick out of the bag this Christmas. They’ve brought to our screens a glut of famous faces, iconic soundtracks, passionate voiceovers, stunning settings and not forgetting a selection of inventive product names.

Perceived value #1 - The Name.

Challenge. XS. Cool Water. CKin2U. Be Delicious. CK Free. Be Delicious Red. 1 Million. Adventure. Fuel For Life. Sex Panther. Only The Brave. I Am King. They may read like a list of requirements you need to meet to join Gok Wan’s private army, but these are all fragrances for men. Some may have recognised ‘Sex Panther’ in there, it’s a fictional fragrance from comedy film Anchorman, but it honestly doesn’t look out of place amongst the real names. And as for those pour femme? Well, looking at a list of women’s fragrances is like having a life coach repeatedly smash you in the face with an emotional thesaurus. No doubt hours of brainstorming and thousands of pounds worth of focus groups contribute in the end to the dynamic, powerful, sexual nouns that might add perceived value to the product. On the other hand, maybe not. ‘Gucci’ by Gucci – now that must have been a Eureka moment.

The Advert.
This can be broken down into four main base parts. The setting, the celebrity, the soundtrack and the voiceover.

Perceived value #2 - The Setting.

In a bedroom. On a boat. On a beach. In the sea. In front of a mirror. In a hotel room. 21st Century Paris. In a lift. In a staircase. In bed. On a roof. Monte Carlo. In a car. On a car. London. In an abandoned loft space. In the rain. 19th century Paris. In a casino. On another planet. New York. On a motorbike. On stage. In a ballroom. Outside a hotel. Surrounded by paparazzi. Amongst nature.
All these locations have been in one advert or another; the setting for the fantastic, almost comical montages that are guaranteed to occur.

Perceived value #3 -The Celebrity.

Most fragrances are aspirational products. Associating their product with someone the audience would like to emulate gives it further value. Generally it’s a nameless model, but sometimes, particularly at Christmas we find actors sacrificing their artistic integrity by associating themselves with a particular scent. This year has seen Hayden Christensen, Sienna Miller, Matthew McConaughey, Evangeline Lily, Ewan McGregor, James Franco, Beyonce, Jude Law, Kate Moss, Audrey Tatou, Josh Holloway and several others, lending their face, voice and character to a smell. And who can blame them? It must be terribly easy work. In fact I’m sure that in the Gucci Advert they just followed James Franco as he went through his daily routine of sitting, staring and walking around his dimly lit apartment.

However they don’t always work. Ewan McGregor got a huge amount of stick for his Davidoff ‘Adventure’ advert. You could see what they were trying to do, but does anyone believe when he was motor biking around the world he gave a damn what he smelt like? The advert did lead to this great parody though. Sometimes it has the wrong effect. For instance, whenever I see Josh Holloway and Evangeline Lily appear in their respective Davidoff ‘Cool Water’ adverts I don’t feel remotely compelled to buy the fragrance, but instead develop the overwhelming urge to watch my entire Lost box set.

Perceived value #4 - The Voiceover.

“Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.” – Derek Zoolander

A ridiculous line from a brilliantly funny movie, but also an accurate representation of some of the bizarre copy that genuine fragrance adverts use to evoke emotions and add further value to their product. This Christmas has offered a plethora of grandiloquent, vapid voiceovers. Here’s a selection. See if you can match the line to the product?

a) “Life’s a game – Go for it”
b) “Who’s going to tell me when to stop? Which way to go? Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who’s going to judge me? Me.”
c) “You’re running with me”
d) “The scent of adventure in the air.”
e) “Wear it – with passion”
f) “Use with caution”
g) “The best thing about getting lost is, what you find along the way”

1) Davidoff ‘Adventure’ 2) Diesel ‘Fuel For Life 3) Boss ‘Orange’ 4) ‘Gucci’ by Gucci 5) CK ‘Free’ 6) Diesel ‘Only The Brave’ 7) Lacoste ‘Challenge’

Perceived value #5 - The Soundtrack.

I’ve blogged before about the relationship between music and adverts, and fragrances are no exception. Perhaps the best sense to evoke when smell is not an option is sound, it can be sensuous and emotional which is similar to what the fragrance is designed to achieve. However, even that cannot begin to explain some of the song choices this year. Okay “Diamonds are a girls best friend” was the obvious choice for the Emporio Armani ‘Diamonds’ advert, but some other choices have me bemused. “ShadowPlay” by The Killers, “Drive My Car” by The Hot Rats, "Do It Again" by Chemical Brothers, “Slave To Love” by Róisín Murphy (Bryan Ferry Cover) and “I Feel You” by Depeche Mode were all slightly bizarre selections.

So there you have it. While they may be bafflingly irrelevant, pretentious, vacuous and annoyingly pop up on your telly every hour or so, I actually thoroughly enjoyed having a Christmas where advertising was dominated by fragrances, and hopefully after reading this you will to.

It's An Advert-off! - Fifa 10 vs PES 2010

2009-11-08T22:02:00.020Z

Video games and football are a marriage made in man heaven.

The two giants of the football gaming world are, without doubt, Konami's Pro Evolution Soccer and EA Sports' FIFA. Consumers are generally loyal to their brand, but consistently demand more from developers and when new versions are released annually, it's then that gamers can be converted.

Before the games hit the shelves, the adverts hit halftime.

Below are the trailers for PES 2010 and FIFA 10. Two contrasting approaches to what is a very similar product. One is entertaining, vibrant, noisy and engaging - accompanied by poetic narration rich with alliteration and assonance. It concentrates on the consumer's perceived values - friends, community, competition, celebration and passion. The other, well it incorporates a showcase of the game graphics – real value if you will - along with sporadic suggestions of the gamer’s input, but conspicuously lacks any narration or soundtrack.

I don't know about you, but I'm sure which game I'd buy just on the evidence of these adverts...

FIFA 10 "How big can football get?" by Wieden & Kennedy Amsterdam

Pro Evolution Soccer 2010 (by Frontroom)

...It's FIFA 10, if you hadn't guessed.

Someone's had their Weetabix

2009-11-03T11:38:00.009Z

For a time during the 90s a phrase, influenced by one advertising slogan, became the common reaction to something excellent or extraordinary. As young, innocent and impressionable kids it entered our vernacular. Whether someone had just scored a wonder goal, got an A in a spelling test or simply squirted milk out of their nose they’d be greeted by the phrase “Someone’s had their Weetabix.”

The tagline “Have you had your Weetabix” on its own was rather mundane. It was the public’s adaptation and adoption of it that elevated its status to that of the most iconic slogans. For some reason Weetabix dropped the idea and as the nineties made way for the noughties hearing the phrase became more likely to evoke nostalgia, rather than recognition.

Now, Weetabix have brought back the strapline in a new advert, created by WCRS, called ‘Steeplechase,’ which returns to the humour of past adverts.

I saw the ad for the first time on TV yesterday, having not previously heard about it. Maybe it was the bizarre premise of the advert, maybe it was the jockey wearing the same colours as the Weetabix packaging, maybe they’ve done something horribly subliminal to my brain – I don’t know – but I found myself instinctively thinking the strapline before it appeared.

It’s a great, fun advert - a return to the simpler premise of past advertising, while still taking full advantage of modern techniques in the execution. It certainly made me crack a smile and it’s a very sorry situation when one fails to be tickled by the sight of a talking horse. Maybe “someone’s had their Weetabix” will once again become a part of the vernacular, but for me it will still evoke a pang of nostalgia for those fantastic adverts from my childhood.

A dry spell

2009-10-26T22:23:00.007Z

Some may have noticed that recently the intervals between my, admittedly sporadic, meanderings have become lengthier.

I am convinced that this is the result of my becoming employed.*

Firstly, working full time, it’s hard to find the time to blog (believe it or not my posts do take some time to craft). Furthermore, while my work at the moment I would classify as being a ‘job,’ I’m also spending the limited spare time I get trying to sort myself a ‘career.’ Currently, as I type this, I’m guiltily averting my eyes from the folder of unfinished graduate applications on my desktop.

The second, and more worrying, reason for my blog drought is a lack of inspiration, a creative impotence, which I have been feeling for the last few weeks. While I could blog about the various characters I meet on the job - the yummy mummies, the silver foxes, the brand slaves and the forty-somethings that still shop with their mums - that’s not what this blog is about.

Again I believe the blame for my blogger’s block lies with my job. While I still read the newspaper in my break, I fear that it just isn’t enough to sate my appetite for afflatus. Working in retail means spending nine hours away from a computer. Which means nine hours away from the internet, which means nine hours away from social media.

Although the results of a study released today suggest that £1.4 billion a year is lost due to time spent by staff on social networking sites, I still feel that there are innumerable benefits in internet accessible jobs. I can see how Facebook is a distraction, but when used the right way, I believe Twitter is a font of information and inspiration.

Since I’ve been deprived of constant cultural, political, social news updates, my pool of inspiration has been severely depleted. 95% of tweets may be valueless tripe, not worth the energy it took to write them, but they are worth sifting through to find nuggets of knowledge, links to enlightenment and perceptive opinions.

So that’s my excuse for a barren spell of binge thinking. However, I’m hoping that my underwater post is a sign that my inspiration for blog topics is once again flowing.

* I’d just like to point out that I really enjoy my current job, I’m merely reflecting on the effects it has had on my blogging.

Just Add Water

2009-10-25T11:28:00.010Z

Ironing, gardening, marriage - Pretty much everything is cooler underwater.

I understood this from an early age. I have fond memories of childhood holidays, where the underwater exploits in the swimming pool would be documented with a single use Kodak clad in a chunky blue waterproof cage. Of course the camera only had a range of took 0.8m and it was usually click and hope – eyes clamped shut against excessively chlorinated water – but those were simpler times.

Since then I’ve embraced scuba diving, I love the tranquillity resulting from being submerged. The feeling of weightlessness. The surreal beauty of hydrodynamic forces on fronds of seaweed and anemone tentacles - their movements appearing in slow-motion. The unnatural turquoise-blue hue and shards of light visibly penetrating the gloom.

Luckily, you don’t have to be there to experience it. Underwater technology is such that photography and cinematography can absolutely do justice to the serenity under the surface - transforming it into something cultural.

The photos above and at the beginning of the post are part of ‘Water on the Lens’; a collection of stunning underwater photos captured by Phoebe Rudomino, offering a rare behind the scenes look at some of the film shoots that have taken place in the U (Underwater) Stage at Pinewood Studios. It’s been showcased at The Movieum of London, located above the Aquarium on the Southbank during October.

The U Stage was also used to film this recent, unusual UK fire safety advert. The underwater footage is beautifully composed, from the cloudy tea diffusing to the ‘breathing’ curtains, but the setting is also integral to the message. That you can ‘drown’ in toxic smoke, with it rendering you unconscious in a few inhalations. The eerie serenity, blue hue and muffled sounds of the underwater scene are a stark contrast with the final seconds as it cuts to a crackling, smoking, orange inferno.
These aren't the only recent initiatives to adopt the unusual underwater initiatives. Mexico plans to build a Subaquatic Sculpture Museum in the Caribbean and recently the Maldives government donned scuba gear to hold a cabinet meeting whilst submerged 6 metres underwater. It was an imaginative stunt with a serious message, that this could be a reality if global warming continues to cause sea levels to rise.

Finally I'll just add that that very little, save actually being there, captures the serenity and beauty of the underwater like this video of the Kuoshio Sea Aquarium. (It's best watched full screen in HD)

Enjoy Carnaby Street with Friends

2009-09-23T18:58:00.014+01:00

Lying quietly to the side of the bustling retail behemoths that are Regent and Oxford Street is the, ever so laid back, Carnaby Street. Unlike it’s neighbours it’s too cool to make a fuss, it doesn’t need to shout to get attention. People are drawn to Carnaby Street by the reputation it has gathered since the swinging sixties and the Mod revolution, as being a haven for - to paraphrase The Kinks - the dedicated followers of fashion.

While, inevitably, high street brands now frequent the main street, the surrounding maze of side alleys provides a plethora of boutiques and pop up stores to indulge one's fashion palette. I’ve always loved ducking into Carnaby Street, some how apart from the hustle and bustle of mainstream shoppers to window shop, have a coffee or sniff out a t-shirt that you can guarantee you won’t see Joe Topshop wearing when you’re out clubbing.

I was working just off Carnaby St. today, one of the few positives of catering, and the even fewer positives of turning up early to a job, is that I get to delve into parts of London I may not have otherwise been drawn to. As I had grossly overcompensated for TfL’s inefficiency I had a wander down Newburgh, which lies parallel to Carnaby, and discovered a little patch of happiness.

Having walked past an ‘Opening Soon’ sign for a several months I was delighted to see that ‘Lomography’ – a store dedicated to that beautiful over-saturated, erratically exposed, cult photographic form – has now opened. It has the effect on me that Hamley’s, a short walk away, used to have on me as a kid. The store itself is aesthetically stunning, the staff are warm, friendly and ridiculously knowledgeable (The owner, Adam Scott, is London ambassador for Lomographic Society International) and I could have spent hours drooling over lenses, prints and cameras.

No more than two stores down from Lomography is the second highlight on Newburgh. Flanked by massive cut-outs of his trademark wings, the Jeremy Scott pop up store screams to be visited and is a window shopper’s delight. While I’m undecided about some of JS’s recent fashion offerings, he’s still one of my favourite designers, I’d still contemplate mugging someone for their Adidas JS Wings and the store is well worth a visit. (Note: It's only open for a limited time over London Fashion Week be sure to check it out before Monday 28th September).

Needless to say, if you were wondering what to get me for my birthday, or simply feel an urge to reward me for my sporadic blogging – Then look no further than these two stores. You could make this blogger a very happy man!

Returning to the primary reason for this piece - Today it turned out that I was working at the launch of a coffee shop. A coffee shop with Central Perk emblazoned on the windows. Anyone who’s been near a TV in the last fifteen years will associate that name with the beloved US sitcom, Friends. My first impression was that, a la Cheers, the yanks had decided to turn Central Perk into a franchise, but that’s not the case. In fact the exact replica of the show’s coffee shop, situated on Broadwick St, is only there for a fortnight to coincide with the 15th Anniversary of the first Friends episode and the release of the even-more-complete-than-the-last-complete-boxset boxset.

It’s a well executed, if slightly obvious, promotional campaign, but what’s more interesting for Londoners is that for the next two weeks you can get a free coffee at Central Perk. Although he made an appearance at the launch, Gunther (aka James Michael Tyler) won’t be there to serve them to you, but if you print off a voucher from here you can enjoy an (almost genuine) caffeine fix with Friends.

Today reminded me why I love Carnaby Street, and although it has become more mainstream since the sixties, it’s still a fantastic place for dedicated followers of fashion, photography or coffee.

Don't Moquette - Why London Transport's seating fabric is seriously cool.

2009-09-13T17:39:00.021+01:00

Since the economic crisis hit, I’ve found there has been a noticeable decline in the advertising on London Underground trains. While you used to be able to while away your journey reading adverts, now most of the slots remain empty.

Apart from the conclusions that you can draw from this about the health of the advertising sector, it also raises issues about how else you can avoid making eye contact with other passengers. Especially the mockney skinhead across from you, whose stare you held for slightly too long. Inevitably, I now find my eyes following the garish, often mesmerising, moquette patterns that adorn the seats of the train, while the nutcase’s threatening gaze scorches my peripherals.

Garish they may be, but there is a rich and innovative history behind each of the moquette designs. In the past, each line on the underground had a unique pattern covering it’s seats. Designs must disguise dirt and be incredibly hard wearing, whilst also remaining comfortable and aesthetically acceptable. The moquettes have become indicative of the area and era in which they were used, as this Wallpaper* gallery of seminal designs illustrates.

It was while meandering down the South Bank during yesterday’s Thames Festival that I stumbled across Above + Below, an ethically and eco friendly brand who recycle underground seating fabric to use as the uppers for their footwear.

It’s a really cool idea. Many of the moquette designs are very retro, extremely garish and look awesome - Not to mention their functional ability to hide dirt and resist wear & tear. Also, due to the rarity of some of the older designs, some of these kicks are highly collectable. However, at £80 -£90 a pop they aren’t exactly cheap, and are probably directed at the eager tourist market rather than a cash strapped native like myself. You can check out the online store here.

While I’m on the subject of seating fabric - Transport for London are currently running a competition to design a new seating moquette, which will be initially launched on the Piccadilly line, and then adopted across the underground. There is one issue however - unfortunately the deadline is TOMORROW ( 14th September) at 5pm so you’ll have to be lightning if you want to submit an idea!

Art is subjective. Trying to argue otherwise is like a pencil without lead - Pointless

2009-09-07T18:41:00.021+01:00

By now, many of you will be aware of the David vs Goliath story that has hit the headlines this weekend – the guerrilla artist Cartrain is having his balls handed to him for daring to steal a packet of pencils from ‘Pharmacy’ – a conceptual installation by Damien Hirst, a man with whom he has a ongoing feud.

Unlike the Biblical story, things are not going well for the deviant David, he’s been arrested for the prank and awaits news whether he’ll be charged for stealing £500,000 worth of pencils as well as damaging an iconic artwork worth £10 million.

I found the stunt and the accompanying ‘missing’ style posters pretty entertaining – and the reaction of Hirst and the Tate to be slightly pathetic. But what really interests me are the figures that are being thrown about. Newspapers were right to lead their stories with a paragraph about the price of the pencils. So what if they are rare "Faber Castell dated 1990 Mongol 482 Series?" They are still pencils - as functional and mundane as before they were displayed – and I cannot conceive how someone can justify pricing them at five hundred grand. But then that might be because I just ‘don’t get’ a lot of contemporary art.

During a recent trip to the Edinburgh festival I went to see Yasmina Reza’s terrific play, ‘Art’. The play depicts the rapidly deteriorating friendship between Serge, a self confessed dilettante who has bought a ‘white’ canvas for an extortionate amount of Euros, and Marc, his friend who ‘doesn’t get’ contemporary art, but can’t accept that Serge thinks he has a masterpiece.

As far as my appreciation of contemporary art goes, I’m with Marc. However, whilst I remain unimpressed by many things that aesthetes would cut off their right arm to own, I do understand that appreciation of art is subjective. I also know that when it comes to valuing something, an object’s price is determined by market forces (even if the market itself may be a Hirst Inc. creation). I suppose it’s not dissimilar to football transfers. Just as Ronaldo is now 'worth' £80 million, someone was willing to pay £10 million for ‘Pharmacy’ so that is the value it attracts.

The ethical and moral questions that such attribution of value brings up are a different kettle of fish, but from a purely economic standpoint I can almost - almost - see how a shark preserved in formaldehyde could be worth seven million pounds.

Needless to say were my pockets currently bulging with that sort of wonga, I would not be shelling out for contemporary art. No - I’d be going for something rather older. 66 million years older to be precise. Because a Tyrannosaurus skeleton, one of the three most complete ones in existence, is expected to sell for £5 million at auction in Las Vegas next month.

As far as aesthetical majesty, sublime creativity and imagination-bending spectacle goes, Mother Nature will never be matched. Contemporary art can go swivel. I doubt ‘Pharmacy’ at the Tate has caused anywhere near as many audible gasps of wonder as the dinosaur skeletons that greet visitors to London’s Natural History Museum.

That is why, were I to possess a cool seven mill, I wouldn’t buy a preserved predator; I’d buy an extinct one – and still have change enough to buy four packets of "Faber Castell dated 1990 Mongol 482 Series" pencils.

VW campaign enlightens the UK to "Dudeism"

2009-08-12T18:31:00.011+01:00

If you’ve been to the cinema in the UK recently you probably have watched the VW "See Film Differently" adverts. I particularly like the one where a lady from the costume department likens the events in E.T to a lad abandoned by his mates on a stag night and “keeps giving everyone the finger.” (see it here)

Ad agency DDB have come up with three new idents for the VW campaign that should first hit cinema screens on Friday. They follow how three people have taken inspiration from three movies; “Right Back Up” refers to Rocky, “Pure Imagination” to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and, my favourite, “Dudeism” – obviously relates to The Big Lebowski.

Out of the three I like “Dudeism” the most, not only because The Big Lebowski is one of my favourite films, but also because I, like the man in the advert, see the film differently. A few months ago, my ex-house mate Ed and I, fans that we are, went to a special screening of The Big Lebowski. We went dressed as the Dude. It felt a little surreal walking through Nottingham decked in dressing gowns, Bermuda shorts & sunglasses, and there was a nagging doubt that we might be the only ones in character. We needn’t have worried.

As we sipped our Caucasians and competed in a leisurely game of Wii bowling (no guns involved - it wasn’t league night) to the soothing sounds of the 1987 Venice Beach Bowling League Playoffs, I surveyed the bar. To our right stood a woman in a full size bowling ball costume with her two friends dressed as pins. Next them another woman with a painted on beard, tight purple bodysuit and a “you don’t fuck with the Jesus” expression was deep in conversation with a Donny and a nihilist. At the bar I spotted three other Dudes, as well as a nihilist and a girl with a round green circle painted on her face (she was apparently a severed little toe). It seemed that we were in good company.

Nothing breaks the ice quite as well as fancy dress. Strange as it seems it was those people who weren’t dressed up, that looked most out of place. However in the spirit of “Dudeism” they didn’t feel alienated, everyone knew that we were all there in appreciation of a shared passion. Lubricated with a few more Caucasians, the showing itself was a totally laid back affair. No one shushed when someone talked along with a line. Most people laughed in anticipation of a funny, normally a few seconds before it actually happened, and no one had an issue with a guy waving a stuffed ferret (or marmot?) in the air when the bathtub scene occurred.

It was a great evening, spent with likeminded fans and I can safely say that I agree with the guy in the advert. The world would be a better place if we all brought a bit more Dude into our lives.

PS - If you haven't seen the movie I hope, along with the advert, my experience has motivated you to do so.

PPS - If, when you do see the movie, you have an epiphany and feel compelled to act upon it then then you can embrace Dudeism with The Church of The Latter-Day Dude.

Dahl's Fantastic Mr Fox just wouldn't sound right with an American accent

2009-08-09T21:46:00.017+01:00

Roald Dahl was one of my favourite authors as a young child. It was his simple, but beautiful, writing and fantastic imagination that made his books so marvelous. One his best, Fantastic Mr. Fox, I had as an audio book and listened to frequently as a child, and then again recently as an adult. In a nutshell the book tells the tale of a Mr. Fox and his family who, having had many a free dinner at the expense of the local farmers, find their lives in peril when the farmers decide to try to kill them. It pits the wits of natural fauna against the brutish, violent nature of man.

Dahl was a children’s writer, but his books are also suited to the mature reader and Fantastic Mr. Fox remains among my favourites for several reasons. I like it because it’s short, simply written, action packed and brilliantly entertaining, but also because, turkeys, diggers and foxes aside, it’s a story about family. It is the archaic British traditional family, with the values of the time; Husband - provider, Wife - mother and children never referred to other than as the “small foxes” or “the children,” but despite these antiquated constructions the family as a whole works to defeat the farmers that threaten their plight.

Furthermore, while Mr. Fox is at his most successful and cocky at the beginning of the book a reference to the title of the book is not found until much later in the book.

"I should like you to know that if it wasn't for your father we should all be dead by now. Your father is a fantastic fox."

Priorities. To me it’s a tale about priorities, as well as family, and how we shouldn’t lavish praise over mediocrity and the quotidian.

Anyway, that’s more than enough philosophical meandering, I need to get back to the point of this post. The audio book that I listened to was narrated by Martin Jarvis, who also lent his voice to the Just William audio series, and I find his voice is one that I associate with quintessential British adventures. Maybe it’s because of this, but I’ve always thought of Mr Fox as being a British gent, taking part in the century old struggle of raging farmer versus the cunning fox.

Therefore I was slightly uneasy when I found out that an American (Wes Anderson) was directing the movie, with predominantly American actors (George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Bill Murray) - although, as usual, the villains are Brits (Michael Gambon, Brian Cox).

However, it seems that the film is to be less of an adaptation of the book as a completely new comedic script merely using the skeletal concept and title of Dahl’s work. I doubt we’ll be hearing many “darlings,” “mummys,” “dang and blasts” or “hoorays,” and the trailer seems to indicate that the lone family struggle has been set aside, in order to concentrate instead on the collective efforts of a plethora of burrowing folk (who only appear as a side note in the actual book).

I don’t think this is such a bad thing. Dahl's Fantastic Mr. Fox just wouldn't sound right with an American accent, but it seems like Anderson’s Fox will be so different that it shall enchant and inspire in its own sense. It would have been hard to flesh out a story that was barely over an hour long, into a full length feature without changing a lot of details, and by being so different i'm hoping it ensures that the original tale will remain untainted for future generations of readers (and listeners) to enjoy.

Having come to terms with this I now can’t wait to see the film; It really is a stellar cast and as the trailer shows, Anderson’s first foray into stop motion animation promises to be sublime.

Life Moves Pretty Fast - RIP John Hughes

2009-08-07T14:15:00.007+01:00

Yesterday, the teenager in all of us felt the loss of a truly great filmmaker. John Hughes wrote and directed many of the seminal movies that I feel made the 80s the greatest decade for representing teenage angst. Decades before the American Pies, Bring It Ons and Shes All Thats, Hughes was writing and directing titles that will retain their cult status far longer than those already exhausted contemporary franchises. Hughes representations of 80s American high school are enough to make people who weren’t even born until the end of the decade nostalgic. While the list is long, I’ve enjoyed three of his movies most:

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is constantly in contention to become my favourite film of all time. No matter how many times I watch the most fun filled, life affirming day off school possible, it never fails to entertain and inspire. In Weird Science, Hughes brought us Kelly Le Brock as Lisa – the English accented, jaw droppingly attractive and unashamedly outrageous teen geek’s wet dream – who possessed a magnetism that Tara Reid, Shannon Elizabeth and all the other contemporary teen floozies lack. Finally, The Breakfast Club, where the identifiable characters (a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal) redefined detention and self reflection, is nothing less than a cult classic, and I defy anyone not to relate to it in some way.

In his scripts Hughes crafted a great many classic lines - Lines which now adorn bumper stickers, blog names and business cards. In Ferris Bueller’Day Off, Principal Ed Rooney Hughes says that “Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief” and while fans will grieve that he is gone, his movies will continue to be relevant to, and depict, the archetypal teenage angst for many decades to come.

Finally, “Sincerely, John Hughes” is a heart warming account by a woman who became close to Hughes when, having been touched by his films, she became his pen pal and it’s well worth a read.

Pavement Botherer

2009-08-03T12:48:00.010+01:00

Recently I’ve developed an addiction. This stimulant surges adrenalin through my veins, tightens my muscles and lets my mind wander freely. I’ve not been for a run in 5 days and now I realise how hooked I am. My names Ryan and I’m a pavement botherer.

While I knew I appreciated running before, it’s only now while I’m indisposed – post tonsillectomy, throat red raw and white hot screaming agony, and developing a mild form of cabin fever – that I’ve found myself missing my daily dose of aerobic ecstasy.

Forrest Gump ran for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 16 hours and one can understand why. Running has a way of clearing my mind, alleviating worries and providing mental as well as physical stimulation. Unlike most addictions it isn’t followed by a comedown, merely a smug sense of satisfaction as your heart rate slows and blood flows from your limbs. As I live in an undulating landscape, my run inevitably climaxes with a lung busting ascent, where the blood pounding in my ears provides the beat as my muscles scream the Rocky theme tune.

A few months ago I blogged about how cross country running is a cruel and unusual punishment, but I don’t think this post is hypocritical. There is a big difference between running through forests and fields, mud flecked, arms flailing like a borstal fugitive, and the running that I have come to savour.

A few major factors have facilitated my addiction. Purchasing some running shoes meant pounding the pavement was no longer agony on my knees and ankles. Planning a route and a set distance on websites such as Walk Jog Run and Good Run Guide gives me a goal and the motivation, where before I found it all too easy to give up on an unplanned run. Finally a good running playlist is essential, but not just any music will suffice, it takes a certain type of tune to banish pain and exhaustion. *

I’ll leave you with ‘Onwards’ by James Jarvis. Although this has been doing the rounds for a few months now it beautifully illustrates everything that is great about running and why so many people become addicted.

*My Summer running playlist:

“Whirring” – The Joy Formidable
“California Waiting” – Kings of Leon
“Underdog” – Kasabian
“I remember (Caspa remix)” – Deadmau5
“Ether Radio” – Chikinki
“The Reeling” – Passion Pit
“Heater” - Samim
“All These Things That I’ve Done” – The Killers
“Pogo” – Digitalism
“Sticks ‘n’ Stones” – Jamie T
“Helicopter” – Bloc Party
“Lift Me Up” – Moby
“Alpha Beta Gaga” - Air
“Star Guitar” – Chemical Brothers
“Kick Push” – Lupe Fiasco
“Shadows” – Au Revoir Simone
“The Rockafeller Skank” – Fat Boy Slim
“Two Weeks of Hip Hop” – Dead Prez vs Grizzly Bear
“Samba Magic” – Basement Jaxx
“Wake Up” – Arcade Fire

Playlists can get repetetive when you hear them everyday - so if you have any top running tunes to suggest please stick them in a comment.

CAUTION: Don't read this blog while base jumping

2009-07-27T20:08:00.006+01:00

We live in a time where, it is sad to say, common sense is considered too risky an assumption to rely on. Irons contain the warning “Do not iron clothes while wearing them,” “may contain nuts” is emblazoned in large letters on a packet of pistachios and you are advised not to attempt to stop a Swedish brand chainsaw with your hands or genitals.

It seems that the factors behind Darwin’s evolutionary theory of natural selection, designed to eliminate the weaker genes, are slowly becoming obsolete as idiot proofing takes hold. Surely if someone is foolish enough to try and stop a chainsaw with their genitals then they deserve what they get, a mention in the crazy pages of a local newspaper and the inability to pass on their idiocy to future generations.

Natural selection is not something that is confined to the rest of nature, and while humans have managed to almost eliminate the physical survival of the fittest, natural selection is still eliminating out the weakest brained of us. In fact a global lack of common sense has led to the creation of The Darwin Awards, which are given to people (mostly accepted posthumously) who have, in some stupid and humorous way, eliminated themselves from the gene pool.

The Darwin Awards are an amusing read and one marvels at the examples of man’s stupidity, just as most people with an ounce of common sense find the nannying, idiot proof labels on peanuts and irons so ridiculous. I’ve always felt that compared to winners of Darwin Awards that I have a pretty good level of common sense. I know not to run by the side of swimming pools, dash across busy motorways and not to put metal in a microwave. I figured I was pretty much infallible. That was until a few weeks ago when I put diesel into my petrol car.

It was an easy mistake to make. I had half a tank but needed to top it up to cover myself for what was a longish journey. I was in rush mode, made worse by having made the usual mistake of pulling up on the opposite side to where my petrol cap was. The label may have said “DIESEL” in big black and white letters (Unleaded is written in green) and the nozzle may not have fitted perfectly, but this didn’t stop me filling a quarter of my tank with diesel. It was only my student thriftiness that saved me, by topping up rather than filling the tank completely.

I was a casualty of car driver’s natural selection; not eliminated from the driver’s gene pool but an honourable mention none the less. It was with no little sense of irony that I appreciated this advert about a week later.

A fortnight ago I might have laughed at such idiot proofing but, while I’m still sure I don’t need to be told that my frozen desert “may become hot after heating” or that a Superman cape “does not enable wearer to fly,” I now I appreciate that common sense is sometimes not enough.

Greenwashing at it's creative best

2009-07-22T01:11:00.012+01:00

Large energy providers are always keen to prove that they are fulfilling their corporate responsibilities and doing something beyond the call of duty when it comes to the environment. The technique of ‘greenwashing’ is regularly present in adverts and usually results in their being tedious, self-exonerating, rhetoric filled adverts that argue that, as Kermit once said – “it’s not easy being green” – but they’re trying their best.

I’m in Germany at the moment, a country that has always been ahead of the UK when it comes to environmental concerns such as wind power and recycling rates, has a former environment minister as Chancellor and now even has a brothel that offers discounts to patrons who arrive by bicycle and public transport. That might be why RWE Energy, in an advert promoting their corporate image to an environmentally conscious German public, have produced a remarkably creative and charming example of greenwashing.

I first saw the advert in the cinema (it’s running before every Harry Potter showing) but even now, watching the advert on YouTube, I still find the animation’s content and execution sublime. I find that the protagonist, a character that is somewhere between Shrek, the Jolly Green Giant and an Ent from Lord of the Rings, is a fantastically amiable creation. The soundtrack, performed by an up-and-coming German artist called Houaida, is inspired, but the tagline also impressed me a lot – even if I did have to ask for a translation.

“It can be so easy to make big things happen. When you're a giant.”
The statement reinforces the analogy of the helpful friendly giant in the advert and appears refreshingly honest – while promising nothing. Greenwashing is something that is hard to execute successfully, for the simple reason that the most profitable energy consumption is generally not green, but with this particular advert I think RWE might just have succeeded.

Adverts, like youth, probably just wasted on the young

2009-07-08T13:06:00.010+01:00

Below is an advert for Samsung Jet. Unless you are one of the 32 people who still watch Big Brother you might have missed it when it first aired on Friday night, but that would be unfortunate because it’s a beautifully devised, shot and narrated advert.

If anything I feel that the advert is almost too good; it transcends and eclipses the product that it is promoting. The first and last seconds where the Samsung Jet was mentioned and the multiple product placements throughout the ad were lost on me.

The advert follows the tagline ‘Impatience is a Virtue’ a life statement that definitely connects emotionally with me, the consumer, but not in a way that would make me go out and buy a phone. I know it sounds like I’m reading too far into what is simply a minute of marketing, but in creating the advert Grey have hit upon something that transcends materialism, that appeals on a truly emotional level.

Not since Baz Lurman addressed the “Ladies and Gentlemen of the Class of ‘97” in the single ‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’ - and Ewan McGregor frenetically recited the line’s of John Hodge’s poem “Choose Life” in Trainspotting – have life statements and advice rung so true.

I find something incredibly significant about the eloquently and emphatically spoken word. It can reach you on a level that transcends common sense or realisation, inducing a moment of clarity, an epiphany of sorts. In the sunscreen speech Baz Lurman is narrating an essay by Mary Schmich called “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young” (a full text can be found here). It evokes such empathy and connects with people on such a level that it is regularly spoken at lifetime events such as graduations, weddings and birthdays.

Similarly, with ‘Impatience is a Virtue’ Grey have – through engaging cinematography, emphatic narration and meaningful, intelligent commentary – created an advert that, while I’m unconvinced will sell that many phones, can have a tangible effect on the way people think about their lives.

Kicking the boxes is merely ticking the boxes

2009-06-21T14:54:00.016+01:00

When I return from the supermarket, I generally end up stacking my shopping like a rudimentary game of Tetris. It seems like, no matter what I buy, round tomatoes, long runner beans or mushroom shaped mushrooms the package is always a generic geometric shaped medley of plastic, cling film and cardboard. You could blindfold someone and hand them any number of packaged foodstuffs and they would be hard pressed to tell the difference between a steak, some apples or breaded scampi. The shape, smell and texture of food has made way for a homogenised way of packaging goods that, as well as making your fridge an ordered nightmare of cellophane and plastic, is also very eco unfriendly.

The environmental costs of packaging have been on the green agenda for a while now and supermarkets are starting to cut down on their packaging. One example of this appeared in the Times today - Sainsbury’s intends to cut its packaging down by abandoning the box and selling it’s breakfast cereals in bags, similar to those used for crisps.

It makes sense to get rid of the box, it’s an unnecessary use of cardboard and while there will inevitably be a mass of outraged protesters complaining that a bag will not prove sturdy enough to protect their fragile Rice Krispies and Cornflakes – they can just go and buy a reusable plastic container. Problem solved.

While I don’t envision any major practical drawbacks from the change, the article did however give me a slight pang of nostalgia. Looking back to my childhood, the back of the cereal box used to provide daily morning entertainment and it’s hard to envision collecting small tokens each week, with the promise of a prize, from a bag rather than a cardboard container.

It seems that, just as I got over the lack of collectable bottle tops when glass milk bottles were replaced by plastic, modern day children will have to adopt the new, more eco-friendly cereal boxes. In fact, if the article is correct, those plastic bottles could be out of the window too, with the suggestion that milk will be sold in polythene bags.

While the issue of reducing the amount of packaging needs to be addressed I cannot help but feel that getting rid of the cereal boxes is too limited a measure, merely ticking environmental boxes, just like charging for plastic bags has turned out to be. The breaded fish fillets I had for lunch today were packaged in a plastic container, wrapped in cellophane and had a removable laminated cardboard cover, just one example of the excess of packaging. It suggests that there are more important issues than bio-degradable cardboard cereal boxes that need to be addressed.

Britain's Got a Scent - Burger King release 'Flame'

2009-06-17T18:09:00.009+01:00

When it comes to innovative, interactive, droll and entertaining marketing Burger King are always striving to raise the bar. I am a big fan of some of their past campaigns. Like the thousands of other teenagers I was entertained by Subservient Chicken, but their best work has, for some time, been restricted to America.

The Whopper Freakout promotional stunt was an inspired idea, and Most Contagious has blogged about their social media savvy “Sacrifice 10 friends for a Whopper” Facebook application. At the end of 2008, across the pond, Burger King bizarrely released 'Flame', a flame broiled meat scented perfume, which sold out in four days.

Back then sales were restricted to the USA, so I was delighted to find out that Flame is now being released I the UK. I think it’s a fantastic, kooky idea that will spread the BK buzz, if not for the scent then for the controversial use of a scantily clad Piers Morgan in the advertising campaign.

While the American's got the King, the UK adverts feature a sprawled Morgan, barely clothed, in a David Beckham-esque pose and by the looks of it, if he hasn’t been flame broiled himself, he’s been given a generous coating of Ronsil. While the sight of a recumbent Morgan threatens most people’s gag reflex, I think Flame is a fantastic idea and hopefully will inspire more UK centric and equally creative and humorous Burger King campaigns in the future.

WARNING: Those with a delicate disposition or who have recently eaten might want to skip this making of video.

Diverting Diaries

2009-06-17T16:28:00.009+01:00

As a student you get a lot of free time and therefore an integral part of University life is to ensure that one is never doing absolutely nothing, which inevitably results in a lot of staring at the little grey box in the corner of the room. Regrettably the subjects of these televisual engorgements frequently involve a plethora of box, consonant and multiple choice based quiz shows, an unhealthy dose of Sralan and regular outings to Hollyoaks. However, thanks to the BBC’s endless devotion to documenting every inch of the natural world my square eyes have been opened to some remarkable programmes.

The most recent enterprise of the BBC’s Natural History Unit, South Pacific, was set in the same mould as The Blue Planet and Planet Earth. The natural beauty of the exotic flora and fauna, and fascinating factoids were backed up by the kind of innovative and stunning cinematography that we have come to expect from such programmes. However, while I enjoy the main body of the shows, I have always been most impressed by the last 10 minutes of each broadcast; The Diaries.

The Diaries reveal the incredible lengths that the filming crews have to go to; The process of obtaining close up footage of snow leopards for Planet Earth took over a year to collate, and there were numerous difficulties involved with filming the one-second strike of a great white shark. Their innovation and dedication is inspiring.

This clip from an episode of South Pacific is my favourite. It documents the recording of the super slow motion video of big wave surfers and the vortices within the waves themselves. The highlights – footage of Dylan Longbottom catching a 12 foot monster barrel – are mind blowing, and the first shots of their kind ever recorded. Enjoy.

Schweppes see the satirical side of swine flu

2009-05-15T21:12:00.014+01:00

I stumbled upon this Schweppes advert in The Times today. Part of the ‘Experience Matters’ campaign of black and white sketches, that Mother has developed for the brand.

The advert (click to enlarge), which reads “Experience Matters: how to get a seat on the tube,” features a man sporting a sombrero, with a box of tissues and pork scratchings by his side. It has been quick to latch onto the funny side of the Swine Flu threat; something that has been present throughout the blogosphere.

While I remain unconvinced by their upcoming Coca Cola campaign, Mother have really impressed me with this advert. Their speed of production means that it’s topical, and echoes the comedic outlook on swine flu that has been present on sites like twitter. Perhaps there was a creative at Mother sitting at their desk, trawling twitter, and then stumbling upon this:

The nature of the advert would certainly suggest that Mother are in touch with the sentiments expressed throughout the blogosphere, and fair play to them. Very few adverts successfully latch on to current, topical public perceptions, in the way that the Schweppes campaign does. I’m not sure I ‘get’ the whole campaign, but I really like this advert.

Coca Cola & Calvin Harris - ‘Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, La, La, La.’ - Sound of Summer '09?

2009-05-08T14:21:00.010+01:00

An inspired song choice can be the difference between a good and a great advert, but what is also growing increasingly apparent is that adverts also have the power to make (or break) bands and songs. Would Flat Beat by Mr Oizo (pictured) have been such a sensation had it not appeared in the Levis advert? Would the majority of people who now know about Feist, Chairlift or Yael Naim do so if their songs hadn’t been featured in Apple and iPod commercials? I doubt it. Similarly, Nike can hold themselves responsible for getting the Junkie XL vs Elvis remix of A Little Less Conversation to #1 in the charts and Vodafone made sure that Bohemian Like You by The Dandy Warhols was the sound of summer in 2001.

While those are only a few examples of the many artists that have received a major boost by their songs being used in adverts, over the years I’ve also seen many an advert ruin a classic song. ‘Lust for Life’ by Iggy Pop was tarnished by cruise company Royal Caribbean’s frankly bizarre choice to use it their adverts and recently the Cooperative’s use of ‘Blowing in the Wind’ has really put me off the Bob Dylan track. However, these atrocities pale in significance when compared to Muller's ongoing mission to butcher and overuse of Nina Simone's ‘Ain’t Got No… I’ve Got Life’ - it’s simply heinous.

In the case of the new Coca Cola advert I think there is potential for either of these scenarios. They have enlisted the chart topping expertise of Calvin Harris to create a song to “build anticipation and excitement for the summer,” and to be used in their campaign, called ‘Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, La, La, La.’

Looking at it holistically as an advert and campaign, I like it. The gremlins bear a miniature likeness to the monsters in Spike Lee’s new movie ‘Where The Wild Things Are’ and the vibrancy, energy and kookiness of the advert unmistakably screams summer. However, having watched the advert a few times now it occurs to me that, while Coca Cola's intentions were to associate themselves with the sound of summer ’09, the advert may have ruined a great song before it could become a classic.

It just seems to me that the premise of musical gremlins was decided before the song was written, and where there was potential for an awesome tune, I just don’t think the song is that great. The first few listens have increasingly irritated me and having it on repeat while I’ve written this blog may have influenced my opinions somewhat. I shan’t make my mind up yet, the advert doesn’t air until the very end of May. There’s always the chance that it will grow on me. If it doesn’t? Well, Coca Cola isn’t targeting me personally, it’s all of us - and what do I know? You might all love it.

“Curiouser and curiouser!”

2009-05-01T15:33:00.005+01:00

Since The Avalanches melted my brain with Frontier Psychiatrist I’ve been a fan of the genre of music that integrates sublime samples and poetical wordplay into mesmerising and captivating tracks. Therefore it was with eager anticipation that I was introduced to another cut & paste practitioner, the electronic internet artist who goes by the name of Pogo. While admittedly his track ‘Alice’ has been doing the rounds on YouTube for near on two years, it is still refreshingly reminiscent of Lemon Jelly , Cut Copy and Air France who have been subverting our airwaves since the turn of the century.

Alice is a delightfully psychedelic piece, 90% of which was composed using samples from the Disney film Alice in Wonderland, a theme that continues to be present in many of his other tracks. His equally impressive and trippy video for the track syncs it with the singing anthropomorphic flowers and dancing characters from the film, and seems to have either slipped under Disney’s radar, or have resisted pressure from their lawyers.

While Alice has found YouTube acclaim (probably because of the video as much as the track itself) many of his other tracks are equally, if not more, impressive. My favourite ‘Go out and love someone’ samples Carry On Cruising, and continuously melts my brain each time I listen to it, just like the Avalanches did in 2001.

If you too have been hooked by Pogo’s sublime sampling and entrancing tunes then I encourage you to visit his myspace page or spend some time trawling YouTube for his many other, equally impressive tracks. Also, if you havent savoured the more mainstream Air France, Lemon Jelly, RJD2, The Avalanches and Cut Copy then I'd suggest you try them.

In the words of Alice "Oh, dear! What nonsense I’m talking!” I'd better get back to real life before I get stuck down this ambient rabbit hole.

*Props to Moses for enlightening me to Pogo

Marketing yourself: The perils and positives of handwriting

2009-04-30T15:04:00.016+01:00

Advertising Services, originally uploaded by brandonjs.

Times are hard, especially within the marketing and advertising industries. With many people losing their jobs and marketing giants such as WPP admitting a large profit shortfall in 2009, getting into the industry has arguably never been harder. As a soon to be graduate I am fully aware of this circumstance, and as the image suggests, others are too, taking things into their own hands.

While, by misspelling of ‘business’ and ‘billboards’ and failing to notice other grammatical inaccuracies, Matthew has arguably fallen at the first hurdle - that of marketing himself, it’s refreshing to know that in these trying times, some people are not succumbing to the malaise and are willing to be proactive - to try and do something for themselves.

In his defense, I can only assume that his mind was so finely attuned to online marketing and SEO (as laraking points out, including common misspelling is a great way to pop up in search results) that he unwittingly carried this over into his outdoor advertising. Maybe this was a cunning plan and he realized that those companies open to employing him would be lacking business acumen and share his inability to even spell the word.

Spelling mistakes aside I like the advert. The name ‘Matthew’s Advertising’ offers a personal approach that the baffling acronyms of faceless advertising giants lack. I find that there is something overwhelmingly compelling about a handwritten and Xeroxed advert. When I was looking for accommodation in Australia it was the handwritten adverts that appealed to me most; displaying a refreshingly simple, honest and personal touch. As long as it’s neat and well written it can suggest an attractively laid back attitude that doesn’t try too hard, and I can safely say I’ve never been screwed over when answering a handwritten advertisement or flyer.

While I fear that Matthew’s Advertising may not be the ‘buissness’ success that he hopes, but it still provides an example of the can-do, proactive attitude that is needed during this current climate of self-pitying lethargy.

Born to do it - Danny MacAskill defies gravity and concrete on a trials bike

2009-04-26T11:40:00.009+01:00

I like to think that I'm pretty adventurous when it comes to sports. I've bungee jumped and sky dived, I scuba dive and while skiing I'll attempt jumps and attempt switches and 360s (although I’ll very rarely land them). I'm under no delusions, however, that with sports like those anyone can decide to try them and there is very little risk. For some people however it’s not a decision, it’s something they’re born to do.

You know the people; you’ve seen them in YouTube clips and on documentaries taking full advantage of what freedom they can find in the city. Free-runners launching themselves off of buildings, skateboarders grinding staircases, and as the clip above shows, Danny MacAskill doing pretty much everything that’s it’s possible to do on a bike.

While the things he does are incredibly impressive, breathtaking and often defy the logical definition of gravity, what I find most inspiring is that before success has come some very painful failure. No one goes halfheartedly into a sport that involves the risk of breaking bones, grazing flesh and eating pavement regularly.

Indeed, at the beginning of the video it shows Danny attempting, and failing, to traverse the railings, before finally nailing it. I’m informed that it took him eight hours of practice before he nailed it. Eight hours! Most people, myself included, wouldn’t entertain the idea at all or would give up after a painful attempt. I suppose that’s what separates those who decide to try something adventurous and those who were born to do it.

* Thanks to garycolet for sending me the clip.

The sophisticated sarnie - A three course meal

2009-04-17T15:20:00.011+01:00

While news and personal opinions provide the basis for most of my binge thinking, I’ve always found that some of the best thoughts to binge on result from group discussions. During lunch today I was sitting with several slightly deranged friends (Hipponoceros, Alhanlon et al) and our random rumination is what provided the idea and content for this latest binge.

Relaxing, post ingestion and appetites sated, our discussion turned to the sandwiches we had so eagerly devoured, in particular the triple whammy consisting of chicken salad, prawn mayonnaise and BLT. While it was agreed that this option was the best value for money, something that is important for a ravenous student on a budget, it was a general consensus that one of the flavours just wasn’t up to the rest of them. While we lamented the inclusion of the mundane chicken sandwich, ruminated over the delicious but paltry prawn mayonnaise, and celebrated the faultless BLT, someone mentioned jam sandwiches.

“Why?” this certain someone questioned “shouldn’t the triple whammy replace the chicken sandwich with a jam one?” This was met with a mixed reaction, I for one hate jam sandwiches, but we all agreed it was a good question, and couldn’t fault the logic. Surely it would present a more rounded dining experience? Prawn mayonnaise for a starter, BLT for the main and a jam sandwich for dessert.

In times gone by tin miners used to satisfy their culinary needs with a Cornish Pasty, which in many cases would have a savoury filling in one half and a sweet in the other, in effect providing a two course meal. While manufacturers have dropped the savoury and sweet pasty tradition, couldn’t this same concept be applied to the modern day sandwich?

We are by no means the only people to suggest the inclusion of jam to the diet of the pre-packaged sandwich consumer. In February M&S revealed that they were going to start selling a 75p jam sandwich. While I share the misgivings people had for a sandwich that costs about 10 times as much as it would to make yourself and that I personally feel couldn’t satisfy the appetite of an anorexic ant, I can’t help thinking that it would work were it included as the dessert sanger in the triple whammy.

For those who, like myself, are not a fan of jam, the dessert sandwich could be chocolate spread and banana, jam and peanut butter, even French toast or one of a myriad of sweet alternatives. Of course the optimum filling for the dessert sandwich could not be decided by our brief lunch brainstorming, but would have to be researched. Technical details aside, I feel that the theoretical basis behind the inclusion of a dessert sandwich is a solid one - if anything it captured the imagination and the taste buds of several binge thinkers. So if you do wander into M&S where they are offering the three course sandwich, remember, you read it here first.

*Photo is creative commons courtesy of midweekpost

Live drawing, not life drawing

2009-04-12T19:18:00.011+01:00

Try and find me on a Tuesday evening and your search will take you deep into the bowels of the Nottingham University’s Portland Building. You’ll reach a door, of which the glass panels have been papered over. Were you to put your ear to that door you’d hear a peaceful lack of chatter - silence - save for some quiet chill out music. Behind this door I, along with several others, am drawing naked people.

I have become very keen about life drawing this past year. I find the two hours a relaxing way of unburdening myself, harnessing my creativity and improving my drawing of the human form. However, while my enthusiasm for the practice has been growing, it seems that many art colleges have abandoned life drawing, threatening the figurative art.

This, Channel 4 argues, is one of the motives behind their decision to broadcast life drawing classes featuring nude models on daytime TV. Of course the major newspapers have latched onto the debate surrounding the choice to show the program pre watershed, allowing nude bodies onto the television before 9pm when all the kiddies are in bed.

I don’t think this should be an issue. Life Drawing has a strange way of removing the eroticism and sexuality behind the naked figure, and leaving the human form. It discourages movement, the idea that the figure is a living breathing person and becomes no different from drawing any animal in its natural form, something to which most people wouldn’t bat an eyelid. It only becomes an issue if you’re like Mr Bean in the clip below, and TV life drawing would remove this last bastion of self-generated embarrassment.

My qualms are with the idea of life drawing through the medium of TV. Even with HD television we are light-years away from being able to recreate the same visual conditions between drawing from life, and drawing what is on a screen. Depth, angles, shadows and proportions would be much harder to understand through a television.

A major flaw with the program is that it is trying to create something that is alive, through a medium that is lifeless. People go to life drawing to draw life, not a reproduction of it. Life provides 360 degrees of angles and shapes to draw, live TV could only show one main view, (or “four other views if you hit the red button”).

Another of my issues is possibly the most obvious. Surely instead of having a model try to stay as unmoving as possible for 30 minute poses they could just show a still photograph? A photograph wouldn’t move subtly throughout the pose, scratch their nose or have to be paid to stand still for so long. Maybe this is Channel 4’s big ruse. In credit crunch conditions you will think you’re drawing a live model whereas in fact they have just Blu-Tacked a photo to the camera.

So analysis up until this point seems to suggest you’d be better off drawing a photo. However Channel 4, possibly foreseeing this, will include an expert to dispense technical advice throughout the class. Not unlike the sign language guy that gesticulates wildly during Hollyoaks catch-up on the Sunday morning, the program will have a miniature figure of the expert standing in the corner of your screen.

I’m not quite sure how this will work. They can’t see what you’re doing therefore they can’t tell you what you’re doing wrong. Their comments and instructions will end up being generic and could discourage creativity. For those who follow them it will be a sort of drawing by numbers, and for those who don’t they will be an irritating visual distraction just like the Hollyoaks signing guy. To prevent this maybe it sound be the experts who model? It will save them being crammed into the corner of the screen and would be even less risqué than the passive, silent model.

Overall I’m not opposed to the idea of life drawing on TV. The idea has received substantial support from members of the art world with far more know how than me. I have no qualms with the idea of nude models, not only because of the reasons I argued before, but also because, as any artist knows, clothing is bloody hard to draw.

*As I'm not up in Nottingham as I write this, the drawing featured is not one of mine. It's by a guy called Dan Strange on Flickr, who appears to share my enthusiasm for life drawing.

'Someone's Gotta Go' - A sign of reality TV's dystopian future?

2009-04-09T15:29:00.012+01:00

One of the talking points that preceded the new series of The Apprentice was whether it would take the current economic climate into account. Previously the week’s victors would be treated to a lavish and extravagant reward for their success, something that was predicted might have been reduced in the current series. Cocktail classes by the Bar Wizards, polo lessons and a private performance by Katherine Jenkins have illustrated that, while the tasks may have started low key, we are not watching a recession influenced TV show.

But never fear, while UK reality television has ignored the current economic climate we can always rely on our voyeuristic cousins from across the pond to stoop to levels our knees won’t bend to. Introducing Someone’s Gotta Go, a show in which in which the employees of troubled small businesses decide which of their colleagues are to lose their jobs. It’s still in production so reports on it are hazy (Guardian, Huffington Post), but as it’s a Fox show it’s likely to conform to every horrified expectation. Not since Fox broadcast Who’s Your Daddy (a show in which an adopted child had to guess her real dad to win $100,000) has the premise behind a show filled me with more conflicting emotions.

On the one hand I’m appalled. How can a show like this better TV or result in anything but negativity? Apart from a redundancy settlement, the end result offers nothing but misery for the unfortunate contestant that loses their livelihood. At least in the Apprentice the contestants sign up to make arses of themselves and at the end of the day if they are fired they can leave in the knowledge that they have had a go at one of the toughest competitions on TV.

Like the fictional dystopian future game shows in movies such a The Running Man, Series 7: The Contenders and Battle Royale, Someone’s Gotta Go can have no winners - only losers. The basic instinct of survival won’t be pretty, it won’t have the order of Sir Alan’s board room, and like the dystopian movies it will show the worst aspects of human nature.

In a sense this is the coward’s way out for these small businesses. No one (save a few sadists) enjoys firing an employee and getting them to fight amongst themselves for survival is an easy way out. No doubt the boss will be safe from being laid off, sitting there watching their staff reveal their most selfish and vicious sides. I just hope they realise what a detrimental, demoralising effect the program could have on the staff that remain. I’d like to see whether, like in so many dystopian visions, the proles rise up and depose their masters in the very same way they were once set upon each other; that would make a good BBC 2 follow up series.

While the thought of the programme makes me taste bile, I cannot help but be curious as to how such a show will work. The ‘gotta’ is so American, so informal and matter of fact, that I can’t help chuckling when I wonder what the apprentice would be like had it such a title. I can imagine their equivalent of Sralan, similar looking to David Brent*, leaning back in his boardroom chair suited up with a baseball cap perched on his head (I work for the man but I’m still a fan). He’d open his arms in a Larry David-esque ‘I’m innocent’ shrug and would then utter the devastating, inevitable catchphrase “someone’s gotta go.” He’d then look at the camera with that uncomfortable grin that only Gervais (and James Corden) can pull off, while the fired employee sobs quietly in the knowledge that 15-20 of their employees conspired and battled to get them the sack.

When you look at it that way Someone’s Gotta Go could make a pretty good comedy series, if only Ricky had thought of it there might have been The Office Series 3. Unfortunately it’s not going to be comedy and it’s not fiction - it’s reality. Maybe this is what the American public want? Maybe we have taken the first step towards Stephen King’s Running Man dystopia? Where once we watched human interaction and development, now social Darwinism and survival of the fittest will define what’s on our TV.

* Were the boss a woman I would imagine she’d just be a female version of David Brent (sans beard).

Skateboarding, Slow Motion and Explosions; Why I love music videos (particularly Unkle's 'Heaven')

2009-03-24T18:53:00.014Z

I find something very gratifying about watching music videos. Granted 95% of all music videos will be generic, egotistic fodder to fill The Hits' endless playlist, but I mean the other 5%. Those videos that with the sound off you wouldn’t realise were merely the visual support for a track, and when experienced together provide an orgasm of cinematography, animation, editing and sound. I’m talking about the synthesis of movement of the surroundings with beats in ‘Star Guitar’ by the Chemical Brothers, the surreal synchronicity in ‘What’s a Girl To Do?’ by Bat for Lashes and the choreography of ‘Work It Out’ by RJD2.

Another reason why they are so gratifying is because unlike good movies they are generally short, no longer than several minutes, and unlike good adverts, unless you’re glued to a music channel you won’t see them very frequently. It makes me appreciate a good one when I see it and I’ve selected two of my favourites from the past month.

This first one has been doing the rounds for a month now, with over 400,000 YouTube views, but I simply love concept of the tune and the video. Mistabishi’s ‘Printer Jam’

The second is a little bit special. Whilst videos such as 'Street Spirit', 'No Surprises' and 'Just' have established Radiohead as kings of the music video, those that accompany Unkle’s music could be classified in the same league. Unkle has never disappointed with his videos. 'Rabbit in your Headlights' was macabre, sinister and confusing, but you couldn’t take your eyes off it. The animated 'Eye for an Eye' was equally surreal and enchanting.

Therefore it’s unsurprising that the new video for ‘Heaven’ is something special. The track was originally used in Fully Flared, the acclaimed skate film, and the collaboration inspired a re-edit of sequences into a music video. Directed by Spike Jonze it synthesises skateboarding, slow motion, explosions and the music with stunning and breathtaking results. Enjoy.

Cross-Country - A Cruel and Usual Punishment

2009-03-18T14:57:00.004Z

While perusing The Times I’m always entertained by the weird and wonderful short stories that can be found in the right hand column under ‘The Workout.’ Today I wasn't let down. The story that caught my attention concerned pranksters who moved route markers to add two miles to the Windmill Wizz cross country race in West Yorkshire. This resulted in half of the 122 competitors enduring nine miles instead of seven. In my opinion what they did was nothing short of evil.

Cross country stirs a lot of painful memories within me; of mud, rain and freezing conditions. Of milky, weedy legs that were made to look somewhat swarthy by the Daz white short shorts, socks and plimsolls that adorned them. At school I could deal with bullying, detentions and homework, but compulsory cross-country was nothing short than a cruel and (unfortunately) usual punishment.

Struggling up hill and down dale, feet caked in mud, hair plastered to your face, lungs burning and muscles aching - I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. The trouble with cross country was that it was a catch 22. If you were good at it you had to run competitively, but if you were bad you had to run to improve at it. When I was ten I came third in a competition and realised that I was quite good at running. Subsequently I was coerced into running for the school, and learnt a lesson that stayed with me throughout school. With cross-country it wasn’t gratifying to be good, you had to find a way to be better.

Cross-country was the only thing that I ever forcibly tried to fail at, but this was harder than being good. I had to fall into the 20 person category that weren’t good enough to run competitively, but were good enough to avoid running it for fitness. Furthermore I had to do this in the way that would require the least painful exercise, essentially sprinting 300 metres, resting, then repeating. For the time that the threat of compulsory cross country loomed over me I put a lot of effort into achieving mediocrity.

Cross country was one of those memories of school that was truly painful. From my short experience of being capable at it I now understand that even though 122 people were good enough to volunteer to run the Windmill Wizz, they still didn’t enjoy it. Increasing the race by two miles may have been funny, but personally I think it was nothing less than heinous.

The Perils of Finding a Fiver

2009-03-07T16:12:00.013Z

The other day, while wandering aimlessly around Golder’s Green waiting for a coach back up to university, I glanced down at the pavement and saw a fiver lying there. “My lucky day” I thought, “I’m a five pounds richer.” How wrong I was.

I decided to get some lunch, and told myself I was using the fiver I had found. Happy days, until a little voice in my head convinced me that I would have had lunch anyway, so I could spend the fiver on snacks for the journey. When I got to my destination the lazy bastard inside my head spoke up again and convinced me to get a taxi home, it was only a fiver - that fiver that I found on the pavement - it wasn’t costing me anything.

I used that same bargaining tactic for the rest of the day, until by the end I had spent that fiver six times over. My problem was every time I spent five pounds I made the excuse that it was the one I had found. That fiver ended up costing me £25, spent on ephemeral things that I could justify at the time, but in hindsight were a waste of money.

It started me thinking about how often a sort of Faustian bargain pervades my life, and how it really isn’t productive. Deep down everyone has the potential to be a procrastinator, and one only has to adopt this idea of bargaining with yourself to justify it. I use the phrase Faustian bargain because it is, in a sense, a deal with the devil, an ephemeral, short term excuse that loses weight once the positive side of the bargain is over.

The procrastination attitude is pernicious; even more so when one realises it’s prevalent, a natural human reaction that many people find hard to avoid. People are always going to be sympathtic and make allowances for themselves. It’s the darker side of addiction. It stops smokers, drug addicts and alcoholics giving up. If time is indeed money it takes a huge financial toll and as a university student, there are counselling websites dedicated to what is seen as one of the most worrying student issues.

Even after enlightenment to this pervasive and detrimental attitude, it’s really hard to shake the habit. Ideally, I should be working on my dissertation at the moment, but I made a deal with myself that I’d do some after I’ve written this blog post. Let's hope I keep up my side of the bargain.

Image from Rachel Creative blog.

Borough Market: London's not-so-hidden gem

2009-03-02T20:39:00.005Z

Created with flickr slideshow.
On a glorious Saturday, during an aimless wander down London’s South Bank I stumbled upon a hidden gem. While, judging by it’s crowded nature, Borough Market has specifically remained hidden only from me (a Londoner for 21 years), it still gave me the rush of unintentionally encountering something exciting.

The place is a cornucopia of smells, sights, sounds and sapidity. It’s a goldmine for the photographer and a haven for lovers of good food and drink. As I wandered through the maze of stalls I was bombarded by colourful capsicums, towers of curious cheeses, chillies and chutneys and enough organic, free range, home-grown produce to give Jamie Oliver a week long hard-on.

You can easily fill up on the tasters and samples that each stall offers, and the stall owners are bursting with expertise on their particular produce. They are so convincing and friendly that it’s hard to resist the guilt trip to buy something at every stall. My strategy was to savour the taste, then give an approving smile and nod, before surreptitiously moving on to the next delicious freebie.

My free lunch was washed down with some hot & spicy cider. It may be slower service than you would experience in most clubs (due to the proprietor giving his life history in a broad West Country accent as he serves you) but the scrumpy is well worth trying. In hindsight, had the cider not satisfied my thirst I would have liked to try the beer below.

So if you are in London, and suddenly find yourself walking down the South Bank, why not take a right at the Golden Hind and explore one of London’s not-so-hidden treasures? There’s a website and a map here.

If you’ve got any other not-so-hidden gems, but think that ill-informed Londoners such as me would enjoy them, then please comment and let me know.

Something to smile about

2009-02-25T20:41:00.006Z

There’s nothing better than lying spread-eagled in a field on a summers day and cloud watching. But during such dark times, with dark clouds forever looming on the endless horizon, it’s hard to look forward to such sunny summer laziness. That was until today when, for his Tate Modern installation, Stuart Semple released over 2,000 pink smiley faced clouds over London.

I just wish I’d been in London to experience the release. It would have been totally surreal and fantastic, like walking into one of the special effect ridden Doctor Who episodes. The scientific, technical and eco stuff is summed up in this timesonline article, in a far more interesting way than I could manage (I also borrowed their photo as I wasn't there to take my own).

I find it reassuring that in such dark times creativity will always be there to put a smile on my, and the whole city’s, face.

Savouring the swear word: when profanity becomes poetic

2009-02-24T16:11:00.006Z

I love swearing. I love doing it, hearing it and seeing it, but only when it’s done right. Now I know there has been a lot of debate about swearing recently, in January Frank Skinner presented a slightly blinkered critique of swearing in a Panorama special on the BBC. Unlike the documentary, I am not going to concern myself with what is wrong with swearing. I intended to celebrate everything that is good about swearing, to quote Skinner, “the clever swearing - the beautiful, eloquent swearing," the swearing that I love.

In my opinion a good curse relies on three things; content, context and delivery. There are a lot of swear scenes in movies and TV that fail, if only on one of these aspects, and the curse doesn’t work. There are however, times when they work so well that the swearing becomes almost poetic.

I’m talking about Samuel Jackson in the Ezekiel 25:17 scene of Pulp Fiction and R. Lee Ermey’s foulmouthed, demoralising dressing down in Full Metal Jacket. Tarantino as Mr. Brown in Reservoir Dogs, and John Goodman in pretty much every scene of the Big Lebowski. While watching these bouts of rude, lewd and obscene oration one can’t help but appreciate the potency of well executed expletives. One only has to look at Wikipedia’s “films that frequently use fuck” list to see that the top 100 contains a number of what are considered some of the greatest ever movies.

While these examples of cinematic poetic profanity delight me, some of the most impressive use of coarse language I have come across were in the HBO TV series Deadwood. Deadwood is without doubt the filthiest show broadcast on television, but as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, it is also one of the most honest and accurate period dramas. Whilst the show is good, the swearing is exquisite. Curses roll of Ian McShane’s tongue so poetically that the word “cocksucker” with its singsong consonance rivals the insults of the great bard for theatrical impact.

I may well be alone in my appreciation of pertinent profanities. Skinner revealed that 60-odd percent of people polled would welcome less swearing on the TV. That’s fine with me as long as they leave it in the places where it works, where it is emotive, effective and entertaining. If you do agree with my outlook, please feel free to comment your appreciation of other swear ridden, curse crammed movies, as I know I might have missed out a few.

If you do appreciate a well placed ‘fuck’ in a movie (or 260 to be precise) then you may be interested to know that the Broadway Cinema, Nottingham is having a Big Lebowski night on the 10th of March. I’ll be abiding by donning my dressing gown, sipping on a White Russian and reaffirming my belief (post ‘Burn After Reading’) that the Coen brothers can make exquisite movies.

No Britons Harmed

2009-02-18T14:16:00.004Z

Today, timesonline front page bore the headline; “Cruise ship runs aground in Antarctica stranding 106 on board, including Britons”. It was the final two words that really got me thinking.

Now I’m no journalist and I can’t profess to know anything about structuring or writing a headline but I can’t quite believe (I don’t want to believe) that the words “including Britons” are necessary to get people to read the article.

While it might be unfair to continue to label American’s as a country of people that are uninterested in foreign news, or find global developments too complex to follow, it can’t be denied that it is a stereotype that is attributed to US citizens.

Personally, that times article headline begs the question; are we Britons similarly so uninterested in the news of foreign countries?

Since I have been reading them, papers such as the Daily Mail or The Express have been producing headlines such as “Thousands dead in Peruvian landslide, No Britons Harmed.” Having met some of their readers I can almost understand why they would use such a headline, but I figured that timesonline attracts a more curious, less xenophobic readership. Maybe xenophobic is too strong a word, a new word, say ‘xenobiased,’ could describe the disposition that such readers would possess.

Are we Britons so xenobiased that we would disregard news about the plight of 106 stranded people, or thousands of dead, just because there were no Britons involved? I seriously hope we aren’t and that the day after the end of the world we aren’t looking at papers with the headline; “World dead, No Britons Hurt.”

Valentine's Day: It's all about getting a good fork

2009-02-13T16:30:00.012Z

As a singleton, for me Valentine’s Day is like a Grandmother. Constantly asking you why you are still single and reminding you of people that, unlike you, have found ‘someone’ suitable. The major difference is that unlike with my grandmother, I can tell Valentines Day to F off.

I’m not going to go on about why I hate Valentine’s Day. I’m sure there are enough other single bloggers out there that are busy condemning the capitalist creation that encourages lovers to shell out on, be judged by and rewarded for their ultimately ephemeral gifts.

I find one of the benefits of Valentine’s Day is that, being such a transient event, big brands don’t bombard you with the generic and uninspired avalanche of adverts that an event, such as Christmas, induces. I find the day inspires a few more original, inventive and entertaining adverts. I’ve selected three of my favourites from this year.

The first two are adverts for brands that you wouldn’t automatically identify with Valentine’s Day, but that have, in my view, exploited it brilliantly.

The final one is a more typical Valentines advert, but I like it all the same. For those who aren’t too keen on seeing three minutes of lap dancing there is a teaser trailer here, but it is no where near as good as the full length one.

PS. For all those people that forgot to send me my card, didn't have my address or were too lazy. My comment section is an ideal place to send me your love... Anonymously of course.
* sets himself up for the embarrassment of no replies*

Waste some time with me

2009-02-12T16:00:00.010Z

During some recent outings surfing the interweb I have stumbled across some pretty cool things. Sadly none of them suggest a cure for the worst common cold to ever hit a human being, but they did cheer me up somewhat. I thought I’d share three with you.

The first is Tilt Shift Maker which uses blur and focus to make your photos appear to be in miniature. It only works with some photos, mainly landscapes, but when it does the results are very satisfying. I found this is one on the TiltShiftMaker Flickr group

Not too long ago it was announced that atheist posters would soon be appearing on London Buses bearing the slogan "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life."

While I could voice my opinions the subject, I’d prefer to direct you to this pretty awesome site which allows you to post you own slogan on the side of the bus.

I found the first version on Scampblog, and the second is one that I came up with. Such a simple tool, but nevertheless clever and enjoyable.

Finally, most contagious blogged about the return of Polaroid film a few days ago, but there is no need for such expense. Poladroid is a nifty download that can be used to transform your regular digital photos into Polaroids (credit to popsarmchair for finding this). You drop a photo onto the desktop application and then watch the Polaroid develop. You can even can speed it up by shaking them.

Three things that are pretty cool distractions from working but shouldn’t take over your life. Enjoy.

Atrocity of the South

2009-02-10T17:08:00.006Z

When I heard about plans to build an Angel of the South I was as horrified as Jonathan Jones at Britain’s “insatiable quest to build the biggest, most imposing, most monstrously public work of art.”

Then it was merely a proposal. Today, a year on, the design has been revealed and the reality is worse than any of us could have imagined. It seems that the developers of Ebbsfleet Valley, after taking some kind of crazy pill, have commissioned a 50m tall My Little Pony. I don't care that it's designed by a former Turner Prize winner, Mark Wallinger, it's still an absolutely preposterous idea.

Readers, I kid you not. The white horse is going to be 33-times life size and will dominate the Kent landscape. Visitors from across the channel will feel like they’re riding a Hornby train set across a giant child’s toy-strewn playroom.

I can’t understand how anyone could think this garish and monstrous eyesore will do anything but spoil the British countryside. We’re worried about what wind farms will do to our view but its okay to build a bloody great horse that is doing nothing for the environment except bastardise it. I must add that the monstrosity will cost £2 million to erect. Money well spent - if you're a complete loon.

I really hope Gravesham Borough Council refuse planning permission for this enormous equine eyesore, for the sake of sparing Britain embarrassment. If the world has in fact gone totally mad, I’d prefer to see ITV actually erect a 400-times life size replica of the FA cup just as it appears in their adverts. At least that would symbolise something British.

Toilet Torment

2009-02-09T16:36:00.005Z

Those who know me will attest that I don’t have many irrational and quirky personality traits. Apart from some shopping trolley OCD and an unsatisfiable penchant for avocados and M&S ceasar salad dressing I’m pretty normal.

That was until I generated a new obsession, a torment that causes me untold frustration; public toilets where the door opens inwards. Bear with me while I explain.

What annoys me is that I’ve washed my hands clean and then I have to use a handle to pull the door open to exit. Doesn’t this action make my washing my hands obsolete? By putting my hand on that handle I’ve now contracted the filth of every man that has used the loo and not washed their hands.

Now I’m no germaphobe, the state of my student house is testament to that, but I end up taking drastic action in order to avoid touching the handle. The sleeve-over-hand technique sometimes works, as does the phone or wallet buffer, but occasionally I’ll just have to wait until someone else opens the door.

There’s an easy solution, doors that open outwards; a pull door to enter and therefore a push door to exit. Lots of public toilets are like this, so why aren’t all of them? This would give scope for use of the shoulder, knee, foot, or any other covered appendage, to push open the door and avoid contracting the mucky matter transmitted by hundreds of unwashed hands.

It doesn’t bother me that I may be contracting MRSA by touching the hand rails on escalators, in trains or buses or by pushing a shopping trolley. They are inevitable and they aren’t closely associated with toilet germs (night buses are the exception). It is only this one rectifiable situation that induces in me a mild form of mysophobia and enrages me so.

P.S. I think the Gary Larson cartoon demonstrates my point beautifully.

In 100 yards turn totally dependent

2009-02-07T14:11:00.007Z

Last month my own mother ignored my advice in favour of the dulcet female tones emitting from a talking box. The result of this stubborn belief in the dependability of technology resulted in adding half an hour to our journey and skyrocketing stress levels. Homeward bound from Heathrow, I was irritable and sleep deprived and so an outburst ensued. I wasn’t annoyed at my mother rather with the realisation that while I knew the SatNav was wrong I didn’t know the right way home either.

Ever since I first used a TomTom I have been unable to map read. It’s laziness accompanied by the feeling that I have the damned electronic informer so I may as well use it. Some people I know have succumbed to this mindset so far that the have thrown away their A-Z. I’ve been in cars with these people and it’s no surprise to me that by 2008 300,000 drivers in Britain had crashed due to the complete trust they place in their Satnav systems. It’s a prime example of how we are becoming so dependent on technology that we are actually losing skills we had.

Another great example is Google. In article by Nicholas Carr entitled “Is Google making us stupid?” the author argues that artificial intelligence is robbing us of our own intelligence. While I am skeptical about some of the points he raises in his article I see a lot of truth in it. As a student one requires such a plethora of sources, but I find myself on 'Google Scholar' searching keywords, rather than being immersed in a book. Education becomes about what you definitely need rather than what could only possibly offer some enlightenment.

In his article Carr quotes an essay by the playwright Richard Foreman describing the loss of the highly educated personality. I have to agree, technology like Google is turning us into the lowly educated, we know what we need to get along, and if we don’t we can always Google it.

By no means do I is think Google is a bad thing, indeed I agree with may of the points in “How Google is making us smarter” and “Google isn’t making us stupid”, but our reliance on search engines and the internet is beginning to reveal negative connotations.

On Thursday England’s Schools Minister encouraged children to pay more attention to proof reading after his own blog was found to be strewn with errors. It highlights another prime example of technology that we have become far too dependent on, the spellchecker. I know it’s an issue; at this very moment I am composing this post in Microsoft Word.

I’m not opposed to technology - In fact I’m pretty sure I’m currently having an affair with it - but our dependence on it is negatively affecting some basic life skills. I just think we should be aware it’s happening. I fear that if we don’t pay heed to it, it’s only a matter of time before we’re like the hover-bedridden humans in Wall-e, and depend on technology for everything.

On a separate note -

Some people have mentioned that my posts might be a bit lengthy (namely my father) and I’d be interested to hear whether other readers concur with this.

I don't like Mondays (but I really like Wednesdays)

2009-02-03T18:21:00.005Z

An advertising job application that I recently filled asked the question, “what is the best idea you have ever seen?” Whilst my application was unsuccessful, I don’t resent the time I spent filling answering the various questions because they get me thinking about things that otherwise may not cross my mind. In my allotted 1000 characters I tried to avoid the generic answers - perhaps in doing so I unwittingly sabotaged my chances of success - in search of something that had impressed me.

I chose Orange Wednesday and here is a slightly longer version of my answer.

Generally if I go to the cinema it’s usually on a Wednesday evening. That’s not because it’s convenient or that the best films show then; it’s because of Orange. The ‘Orange Wednesdays’ campaign, along with the overall idea of linking the brand to cinema, is an inspired one. It’s an idea that has benefitted me, entertained me and continues to impress me.

As a student I appreciate saving money with the 2-4-1 deal, but further to that I like the way it makes cinema a shared experience. Whilst I myself am not contracted to Orange I always make sure I have a friend or two that is*. It’s not like you were going to go alone if the deal didn’t exist, but by going together on a Wednesday you’ve achieved something, enhancing the shared experience.

When I get into the cinema screen, already happy that I have saved a fiver, I am always impressed and entertained by the “don’t let a phone call spoil your movie” advert. It’s amazing how much of an impact it has on your cinematic experience - I was conscious of its absence when I went to a movie in New York.
It may not be as impressive as Google or eBay, but every time I experience an ‘Orange Wednesday I feel it’s the best idea I’ve ever seen. Now if only it included the popcorn...

Orange Wednesdays still may not include the popcorn but now it offers pizza. It was with great pleasure that I found out today that Orange are going to extend that Wednesday night bonding session to include a 2-4-1 deal at pizza express until the end of August. There is a new TV and press campaign that is set to start next week and I can only hope it entertains as much as these cinema adverts.

*I hasten to add – for fear of recrimination – that their being on Orange is not usually the only reason for our friendship.

Grumpy Pirates Hijacked By the CensorSHIP

2009-01-30T23:26:00.006Z

While news filtered in about another tanker hijacked by Somali pirates yesterday, you may have been unaware that in the UK a certain vessel was taking it’s revenge. The CensorSHIP set sail in it’s destruction of an age old seafaring shanty. To the horror of pirates everywhere, the rhyme ‘What shall we do to the drunken sailor’ has been rewritten. No more drunkenness, cat o nine tails, beating senseless or rusty razors. Instead the ‘grumpy pirate’ exposes children to the harsh realities of tickling, wiggling, jigging and soberness that Somali pirates experience on a daily basis.

I’ve touched on the madness of re-writing and rebranding for the sake of the delicate people of our fair country in a previous blog post. But this is taking crazy to the next level. It seems that there isn’t a nursery rhyme or fairy tale safe from accusations of violent, racist or anti-Semitic connotations.

In 2006 a nursery attempted to replace Baa Baa Black Sheep with Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep because they deemed it racist. Personally I think it’s ludicrous and I’m not alone. During a quiz show, that I and some friends took part in, the rhyme was the subject of a question posed to one of our opponents. She incorrectly guessed the answer was ‘Ten Little N***** Boys,’ a rhyme from a 1930s Agatha Christie. While I’m sure it shall never be aired I personally think her answer made more sense than Baa Baa Black sheep. Why can’t these people see these nursery rhymes for what they are, just rhymes, it is their deconstruction as adults that finds the obscene in an innocent children’s song.

What’s next I ask? Should we ban 'Georgie Porgie' because it mentions molesting girls? Old Mother Hubbard or 'Three Blind Mice' because they refer to cruelty to animals? Let’s get rid of 'Rock -a-bye Baby' because it includes infanticide. And 'Goosey Goosey Gander' because it encourages religious intolerance? I mean, throwing someone down the stairs for not doing their prayers, that’s just not on.

Nursery rhymes are a bit of fun for children. I find it ridiculous that an age old traditional sea shanty, originally sung while the Navy raised their sails, be censored when hearing it has not been proven to have any negative effects? If anything it's an advert against binge drinking. I just hope any children encountering drunken Somali pirates don’t try to tickle them sober.

Dance Like Everyone's Watching

2009-01-21T14:02:00.008Z

Someone much smarter than me once wrote that "there are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them." Last Thursday the 15th Jan at 11am, 350 people participated in a display known as flash mobbing, and publically danced their way through several tunes in synchronicity in Liverpool Street Station. Whilst experiencing it must have felt fantastically surreal, and just imagining it makes me smile, the flash mob was an advert for T-mobile (tagline: 'Life's for Sharing') and it was recorded.

I haven’t seen the advert on TV yet, but the Youtube clip is good quality and has a running time that the broadcast advert could not have, so it’s worth a look. I love the concept, guerilla marketing at it’s finest… and viral marketing too. With this advert Saatchi & Saatchi have given T-mobile a campaign that should prove well worth whatever they paid for the spectacle. The Youtube clip has had nearly 500,000 views in the 5 days since it’s been uploaded, that’s 500,000 slots targeting their audience completely free.

The concept of spontaneous dancing is not new, but apart from a certain dance scene in a Philippines prison I can’t think of a larger scale public choreographed routine. Certainly most of the routines I’ve seen haven’t been part of an advert, from thriller on the tube to Spike Jonze’s routine in the ‘Praise You’ video for Fat Boy Slim.

One of my other favorites is slightly different but utilizes guerilla marketing techniques and delivers, not a free dance show, but an entire musical to the unsuspecting passengers at Stanstead airport. I didn’t hear much buzz about this ad, and it has fewer views on Youtube in 8 months than the T-mobile clip has had in 5 days, but I still love it.

It seems dancing is a shortcut to happiness, although in most cases it won’t be the physical act of dancing. I have learnt from experience that when I throw shapes I’m a wind-milling menace of arms and legs which ends in both me and any of my collision victims slightly red faced and self conscious. However I’m sure everyone who watches that clip comes away a little bit happier… unless, of course, you caught on your train from Liverpool St Station at 10.55am on the 15th.

Santagate V.2.0

2009-01-20T19:30:00.017Z

Sometimes you’re happier just not knowing...

... that having passed the age of 16 you have no chance of making it as a pro footballer.
... that your sausage is likely to consist of only 30% of what could be classified 'meat'.
... ANYTHING about the female menstrual cycle

.... that University Challenge teams actually both sit at floor level; not above each other as it seems.
... how many germs you expose yourself to in the petri dishes they call planes.
... that Santa doesn’t exist.

I got over Santagate a while ago and since then I’ve had a new hero.

*adopts Clarkson-esque booming voice*

“Some say that he's terrified of ducks, and that there is an airport in Russia named after him... all I USED TO KNOW was, he’s called the Stig.”

That was then, but as from today the mystery and intrigue of Top Gear’s tame racing driver, my Santa for adults, has been ruined. I opened the Times today to read the headline that revealed the Stig’s identity. I won’t post the name, as I don’t want to ruin it for those who would prefer to remain blissfully ignorant. I, however, didn’t get so much as a warning. It was there in bold font, ruining Obama’s inauguration day just like Santagate did Christmas all those years ago.

The reason I’m so annoyed is that I didn’t want to know. I was happy not knowing. While I was ignorant I enjoyed guessing who the enigmatic Stig could have been. Damon Hill? Nigel Mansell? It could have been anyone. It illustrates something I’m beginning to see happen more and more as knowledge becomes more accessible and less valuable; you can’t remain blissfully ignorant because there is always going to be someone there to ruin it for you.

It happened when the Mail on Sunday uncovered the identity of Bansky during the Summer of 2008. Part of Banksy’s appeal was his anonymity, which in today’s climate of gossip and unquenchable thirst for trivial knowledge is near impossible to achieve. I remember a TV import in the 90’s involving a masked magician called. "Breaking the Magician's Code: Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed." I recall being slightly ashamed of myself as I watched tricks, which had once baffled and excited me, dissected into unspectacular techniques and fakery.

I feel we all need a little mystery in our lives. I suppose X-factor contestants show that sometimes you're better of knowing (that you're sh*te at singing), but aren’t we sometimes happier not knowing some things? The white lie is one of the most powerful weapons we have to cause blissful ignorance… and if unawareness doesn’t hurt you what’s wrong with keeping some enigmas? I suppose the ultimate irony is that the masked magician who demystified so many secrets couldn’t avoid being unmasked himself.

Edit: The amazing images of crying kids at the beginning of the post are by Jill Greenberg, and I think you'll agree they're fantastic.

Brands! Use Some Common Scents

2009-01-14T18:44:00.009Z

The best smelling store in New York is not what you would think. It is neither a boulangerie nor a patisserie. It is not a charcuterie, fromagerie, boucherie, epicerie or a confiserie. It's not any type of '-erie,' In fact it doesn’t even sell food. The best smelling store in New York is Pharell’s Billionaire Boys Club / Ice Cream, in Soho.

When you initially enter the store you are greeted by the Ice Cream floor’s entertaining décor, edgy store workers and minimalist clothing displays. However as you advance through the store, compensating for a lack of purchasing intention by scrutinizing the clothing with a lazily raised eyebrow – or such as is my case – you are met by the first tantalising whiff of sweet vanilla/fudge/cookie ice cream that twists it’s way up your nasal passages and ignites the pleasure receptors in the brain.

The scent mesmerically draws you through the store, seeming to get more intense the further you go, until you’re up the stairs and into the Billionaire Boys Club section. Regrettably my student loan doesn’t cover such extravagance, and I would be loath to pay so much for a t-shirt (not to be misconstrued as meaning I’d be loath to receive one), but I stayed in the store for a good ten minutes, eyebrow in place, purely to savour the delicious scent.

Before I let my admiration for a successful idea turn into a sycophantic infatuation with BBC / Ice Cream, I should explain that they are not alone in using fragrance technique. In 2008 Harrods wafted 12 scents throughout departments in their store. Who hasn’t been enticed into a Subway by the smell of freshly baked bread that, although I cannot prove it, I am sure they pump out onto the street? While numbers of shoppers are rapidly dropping, stores and displays that appeal only to sight and touch just won’t cut it. Innovations in the use of scent are a prospect that gets my senses tingling.

However, scent won’t only affect the shopping experience. ‘Endorphin branding’ is set to take off in the UK after Cinescent’s technique of permeating scents ranging from sun cream to freshly cut grass into German Cinemas, revealed astonishingly successful results. Pearl & Dean are set to use the technique that triggers psychological and emotional reactions, and which could be invaluable to brands.

The use of scent in retail and marketing will be a big thing in 2009. An article in the Economist’s The World in 2009 (which I coincidentally read after my experience in Soho) addresses the benefits and pitfalls of this new frontier. I personally look forward to any odorous retail enhancements.

Until they do occur, I recommend that NYC residents and visitors check out the Billionaire Boys Club / Ice Cream store as it is (currently) the most pleasurable window shopping you can do.

Schoolboy Error

2009-01-05T14:36:00.012Z

Its official, after the successful rebranding of UK TV G2 into Dave the idea is catching on. That is why Watercliffe Meadow, formerly a primary, has shrugged off its negative connotations as a school and has now been rebranded as ‘a place of learning’.

It is in no way the first institution to utilise rebranding. One cannot forget the positive reaction when churches, synagogues and mosques were rebranded as ‘places of worship’ in 1993.

In fact UK authorities have planned a series of name changes to institutions to shake their negative connotations. From June 2009 HM Prison Service is renaming Prisons as “A place of free accommodation and solitude” and Universities are to be known as ‘a place of whatever you feel like.’

A while ago I heard on the grapevine of a bold move planned by the NHS in 2007, whereby they were to rebrand hospitals as ‘Places of Medicine, Rehabilitation, Support and Assistance” but for some reason it didn’t pass testing.

On a serious note, I seriously don’t understand what Watercliffe Meadow hopes to achieve by this pointless change. It illustrates naivety on the part of an education system to the realities of life. When you leave school you realise it embodied so much more than simply being ‘a place of learning.’ The education system already cotton-wools you for later life by rewarding mediocrity, imagine what a place that removes all the negative connotations will do.

Learning that the word ‘learning’ is a verb in the present continuous tense is all well and good, but it’s the smallest part of what school is. School is about socialising, truancy, harmless punishments, fun, disappointment, excitement, boredom, exploration, humiliation, aspiration; they are the things that you profit from most, not learning in order to achieve grades that within a year won’t mean anything.

Is it learning that makes you nostalgic about school when you left? No it’s everything else, including the negative connotations that made the positive ones so amazing. If we lose them then a part of the magic of childhood is lost too.

I’ll leave you with an Alice Cooper classic. He said he was inspired to write the song when answering the question, "What's the greatest three minutes of your life?" Can you see that passion being sparked by the lyrics “A place of learning’s out for summer?” I certainly can’t.

Montmartre Freestyler

2008-12-27T18:23:00.003Z

Just a bit of Flickr fun today.

While in Paris a month ago I saw this freestyler on the steps in front of Sacre Coeur, Montmartre. His name is Iya Traore and he's bloody good, so good in fact that there were more people interested in him than the basilica.

As for the photo above, the trick was pretty cool but it was only when I had transferred the photo to my computer that I realised it looked fantastically surreal when flipped upside down.

My Soundtrack to Christmas

2008-12-25T02:31:00.010Z

You might have already noticed that I'm not a massive fan of the 'classic' Christmas songs, so here are a few that I do like. You'll know some of them, but there might be the odd one you don't. Thanks to Dylan for the photo, isn't dyslexia hilarious?

Happy listening.

Angels & Airwaves – “Star of Bethlehem”

Bedouin Sound Clash – “New Years Day”

Coldplay – “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”

Death Cab for Cutie – “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”

Eels – “Christmas is going to the Dogs”

Feist – “Lo, How A Rose E're Blooming”

Hot Hot Heat – “Christmas Day In The Sun”

Keane - "Snowed Under"

Kill Hannah – “A New Heart For Christmas”

Less Than Jake – "I’m Gettin Nuttin For Christmas"

Paul McCartney - "(Simply Having a) Wonderful Christmas Time"

The Polyphonic Spree – "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)"

Low – “Just Like Christmas”

The Raveonettes - "The Christmas Song"

Run D.M.C. - "Christmas in Hollis"

Weezer - "Christmas Celebration"

The Wombats – “Is This Christmas”

Irn Bru saves my Christmas

2008-12-22T18:23:00.015Z

It's nearly Christmas and I'm sure I am not alone in the UK in being fed up by the past 2 months of unavoidable, uninspired, generic, and most of all irritating Christmas adverts.

It is with regret that I inform you that in order to escape this cruel and unusual musical punishment I have felt the need to cut off my ears and deep freeze them, so if you need to contact me then text me, don't call.

A few of the offending adverts are: Iceland's advert, which features Kerry, Jason and that-one-from-loose-women. I admit that I am not their target audience, as I am neither a fan of musicals nor Z list celebrities, but I’m sure it worked wonders on people who are.

I'm sure I could have liked the John Lewis advert if I hadn't been bombarded by it every day for 2 months. The sneaky buggers even shortened the advert so it is usually over before I can change the channel to protest the way they butchered the Beatle's "From Me To You."

Just don’t get me started on the ASDA advert.

But I'm not all Bah Humbugs and below is my favourite Christmas advert; A twist on Raymond Briggs' 'The Snowman' made for Irn Bru by Leith. It is musical, entertaining and funny, and I could watch it an infinite amount of times and still enjoy it. Most importantly it reminds me of a time when adverts made me embrace Xmas spirits, rather than driving me to drink them.

Always Coca-Cola?

2008-12-22T14:14:00.000Z

In 2004 Barnet had the highest teenage pregnancy rate in England and Wales. Some people blamed education, others blamed a lack of female self respect, I personally blamed Juno - However we were all wrong - Coca-Cola was to blame.

When travelling into London by tube I usually risk MRSA by picking up a copy of Metro from where it has been squashed behind a seat by it's umpteenth reader. It was while perusing this paper of endless enlightenment that I stumbled upon a small article containing a scientific bombshell that could finally explain why teenage pregnancy is so high; "Official: Coca-Cola is not a contraceptive."

"Coca-Cola does not work as a contraceptive despite what some teenagers might think, say experts... Although the classic Coke bottle shape lends itself to a 'shake and shoot' applicator, the belief that the drink's acidity kills sperm is wrong... said Harvard professor Deborah Anderson."

Don’t just take Metro’s word for it. Prof Anderson’s research was published in the British Medical Journal (my favorite part is entitled “Better methods are available”). I just find it incredible that such a ridiculous piece of folklore would need scientific scrutiny to be debunked.

Or maybe it isn’t so crazy. If we see Barnet’s teenage pregnancy under control next year we’ll know we have Metro to thank.

Vermeer - The Perverted Astronomer

2008-12-22T00:03:00.001Z

Vermeer - The Perverted Astronomer, Inspired by the print of Johannes Vermeer's 'Astronomer' in my house mate Ed's room.

I know corrupting classics is not a new idea. The British street artist Banksy has done a few, but I figured this painting needed a bit of updating.

Can frugality ever be cool?

2008-12-18T11:37:00.001Z

What makes something cool? It’s weight, value, use? Not really. In modern times ‘cool’ is merely a positive value that can be attached by anyone (deep down everyone is a ‘Coolhunter’) to anything, even frugality.

I believe frugality will become cool when it becomes acceptable. It needs to shake the stigma of stinginess, suggesting self-centredness, because frugality is positively ‘prudence in avoiding waste.’

Shining examples of frugality being cool are found in the green revolution and the current financial crisis. Leonardo DiCaprio has had a Prius since 2004, and in doing so he’s being frugal with energy. Leo is cool, so by association his frugality is cool. People just had to be shown it.

Saving money is now a bigger issue than ever. Whenever I talk to people about their holidays I hear about how good a deal it was, how well they bartered in markets and their cheap duty free booze and cigarettes (and this should increase in 2009) . This frugality stretches to everyday life. There is a great opportunity for cheaper brands such as Primark and Aldi and to make frugality cool, through advertising that promotes unashamed frugality.

Just as they led the way to post-materialism in the ‘60s, we students accept frugality is cool. At a fancy dress party the expensive Superman costume isn’t as cool as the frugal cardboard and tin foil astronaut, and young artists squatting in a £6.5m house in Mayfair are deemed incredibly cool.

Frugality is already cool; people just need to be persuaded.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2008-12-17T17:41:00.000Z

I was watching Deadwood the other day when I caught a glimpse of female armpit hair. It was post love scene where the two characters were relaxing and she had her arm resting behind her head. I was Curious so I rewound and sure enough there it was, thin and wispy, but unashamedly on show for about 3 minutes.

I don't know why but it fascinated me (so much as to inspire me to write this post). In some ways I was repulsed by it and couldn’t for the life of me understand how the man wasn't disturbed by it. Of course the drama was set in the 1870s Wild West and back then I'm sure that a comfortable underarm razor hadn't been invented. It's the attention to detail (as well as the colourful characters and dialogue) that makes me enjoy the series, but unlike the swearing and general filthy behaviour this unshaved pit really fazed me.

Why should this be? I'm not repulsed by my own underarms or other men's. However I know I'm not alone in the world in being shocked by it on women. I remember in the past there was uproar when Julia Roberts revealed her pit whiskers at a film premiere.
As far as I've seen no other period drama or series shows as much attention to detail as to include period armpit hair as well as clothing. Which is interesting seeing as the armpit shaving only really took on in the West around 1915 with the introduction of the safety razor.

Personally I've had 2 encounters with women who don’t shave their armpits. It may have been coincidence that one was an eco-warrior and the other was a hippy, they may have been doing it to make a statement. I have nothing against the right to not to shave, but if they are trying to make a statement it's one that really puts me off.
I think I have grown up in world where female body hair apart from on the scalp is seen as odd, and that's why I’ve reacted the way I have. It seems that going natural is now deemed pretty unnatural.

I know it's my first post, that no one’s reading this blog and I'm basically talking to myself, but it was nice to get it off my armpits x